What to Expect at a Pakistani Wedding

If you've been invited to a Pakistani wedding, you may be wondering how people can celebrate for three or four days continuously. Here's what you can expect when attending a Pakistani wedding.

Mayun and Mehndi

Couples may or may not choose to celebrate mayun, which usually takes place the day before the mehndi. The mehndi celebration is by the far the most exciting of all the wedding functions. The choreographed dancing you see in Bollywood movies resembles what happens on mehdni. Some conservatives families may not allow dancing or may have men and women dancing in separate locales, but usually mehndi amounts to a frenzy of dancing into the wee hours of the night.

The groom tends to dance around with his guy friends, while the bride sits somberly on a bench or in chair. Guests feed the bride and groom sweets, rub oil on their foreheads, and pray for their blessing. Everyone takes the same posed photo with the bride and groom. Although the government tried to ban the serving of food at wedding functions, I've never attended a wedding where there were not generous servings of food. The bride's family hosts the party and welcomes the groom's party by throwing rose petals on them when they arrive.

Barat

This is day when the bride and groom usually sign their marriage agreement in the mosque or church. The bride's family again hosts the party, and the start of the barat is usually hours later than has been signified on the invitation. If you show up on time, you'll probably be the only one there. Everyone stands or sits around gossiping waiting for the bride to finish her make-up and hair and get herself to the party. If the event starts at 7, the bride may arrive at 10, or even midnight. The groom may arrive riding on a white horse, which is a great photo opportunity.

As a guest, barat basically involves a lot of sitting around and waiting. There is no dancing and no big event that takes place. The bride and groom sit on the stage and everyone takes the same posed picture with the couple. The bride is not supposed to smile. At some point, food will be served and everyone will jostle everyone else's elbows trying to load their plates with meat.

Two things of interest usually happen at barat to help guests from falling asleep. The bride's family will steal the groom's shoe and make the groom's family give money to get it back. This usually takes place between immediate or close family members. Secondly, when the bride leaves she performs her rukhsati, which is when she shows her sorrow at leaving her family for the groom's family. The girl is escorted out by her male relatives holding the Qur'an over her head. Before she gets in the car with the groom, she starts sobbing. Many times the bride does not know the groom and her tears are real tears of fear and sorrow.

Walima

Imagine the night after your wedding you invite everyone over and have another event. This is what walima is. It is hosted by the groom's family and is meant to celebrate the consummation of the marriage. The bride and groom do not get to run off to a honeymoon, but instead have to get out of bed, get all dressed up and meet the whole family again. Walima is much like barat, expect that the only thing that really happens is the food. It usually ends a lot earlier than the mehndi or the barat, as guests are tired by now and ready to go home!

Don't expect a Pakistani wedding to be all Bollywood glamour and excitement, but do expect good food and a lot of time to relax and chat with friends or strangers.

See "What to Wear to Pakistani Wedding" if you're attending a Pakistani wedding and need some fashion advice.