What to Expect when Your Soldier Returns from Iraq

Returning home from a war zone isn't easy. Everyone - not just the soldier - has changed during this time apart. Though you are all anxiously awaiting the reunion and look forward to being a family again it will soon become obvious that things will not be the way they were before. If you are not prepared for a time of getting to know each other again the differences may be scary and disappointing.

You may both be aware of feeling like strangers. This could make sex awkward and unsatisfying. The physical relationship you remember will take time to reclaim. Conversation may be difficult. You've had completely different life experiences for a long time and you will need to reestablish common interests and involvements. Soldiers may be more comfortable talking to other soldiers then talking to their friends and family. As they look at their children they may see people they do not know and not know how to relate. Children also will not know this new returning person and will take some time to warm up to the new addition to the family.

One common experience to most vets is a change in personal values and a resetting of priorities. For marriages to be successful, values and priorities need to be shared. The spouse left at home may also have experienced a change in values and priorities. Speak to each other about these issues and be prepared to find a way to join together in resetting those important basics.

You may want to talk. They may not. You may want to hear all about their experiences thinking that if you share them it will unite you. But they may not be ready to go over incidents that have affected their life changes. Don't press for information. It will come over time.

Spouses left to run homes alone become proficient in doing so. Children will likely look to the parent who has remained with them for guidance and discipline. Your soldier may try to take back the responsibilities they had before and they may not do it well. Or they may shy away from accepting any responsibility leaving you feel as alone as you did when they were away.

Time is a healer of many issues. It may take as long as six months for a soldier to begin to feel comfortable being home.

But if things like road rage or verbal abuse, depression or anxiety remain seeking counseling may be appropriate. Knowing what to expect is helpful. Living it is another thing. Even if your soldier does not want to seek help you can do so alone. A therapist can help you learn how best to cope and methods of interacting which can assist in greater closeness for all family members.

Source:

US Department of the Army. Homecoming after Deployment: Tips for Reunion. US Army Medical Department Center and School, Combat Stress Actions Office, Fort Sam Houston, San Antonio Texas.