What to Do When a Friend Hurts You

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." Walter Winchell said that. And isn't it true? When you think of a real friend, you think of someone who loves you, cares about you, and is there for you no matter what. You can be yourself 100% with that person. They lift your spirits when you feel down, and are always willing to lend a helping hand.

Because we love our friends so much and develop such close bonds with them, it is crushing when we feel betrayed or deeply hurt by them. Most of us don't anticipate that our friends will hurt us, so we have no idea how to handle the situation when it happens. Although there are no guarantees that you will be able to mend the friendship, there are some things you can do and consider that will help you make the best decision for you and your friend.

Talk to Them

When we feel sincerely hurt by someone or angry with them, the last thing we want to do is talk to them. Most of us retreat and cut off all communication, or if we do communicate we do so coldly.

It is a good idea to take some time to yourself when a situation arises between you and a friend. Talking to them immediately will most likely result in a heated dispute and the problem will escalate, making it much harder to mend.

After you've taken the time you need to calm down and regain perspective, it is vital that you talk to your friend about how you feel. When doing so, try to avoid blaming and accusing them. Even though they have done something to hurt you, pointing the finger at them is not going to help. The person is not the problem; it is something that was done that created a problem (for steps on how to avoid making the person into the problem refer to the link on the left, "How to Tell Someone Their Behavior is Unacceptable, " listed under resources).

If you do not let the person know how you feel about what they said or did, they may not even know that they did anything and therefore, keep doing it. It isn't fair to be angry at someone if you aren't willing to let them know how you feel about the situation.

Confide in someone you Trust

Sometimes it is helpful to talk to someone you trust that isn't involved with the friendship. They can offer some valuable insights and advice without being emotionally involved. Of course, if the issue is too personal, discussing it with another person may cause more harm than good.

Revenge

When we're hurt our initial response is often to hurt back. Think twice before taking this approach.

This is one big reason why it is important to take some time for ourselves before dealing with the situation. When we are hurt and angry we don't make rational decisions. Trying to get revenge is the worst thing you can do. It turns you into the very thing you hate and are upset about. If you fight fire with fire you only create a bigger fire.

Repeated Abuse

If the friend in question is doing things that hurt you repeatedly, regardless of your efforts to let them know how it makes you feel, it is time to seriously evaluate the friendship. The individual probably doesn't care too much about your feelings. Someone who has an honest regard for your emotional well being would not continue to hurt you. I'm not saying that they're a bad person, but they are most likely not in a place in their lives, right now, where they can have a healthy relationship with another.

It is important to remember too, that we show people how we expect to be treated. If we are not treating ourselves with love and respect, then it will be difficult to find others who will. So start treating yourself better. Train your mind to think better about you (for help with this, see the link on the left, "7 Tips to Make Your Affirmations More Effective," listed under resources).

Sometimes we think we should not give up on the person, because we believe that makes us a bad friend. But if we allow the repeated abuse of our feelings to continue, then we are not being a true friend to ourselves, and that is the most important friendship we have. When in doubt about what to do in this situation, always be true to yourself.