What is the Grieving Process?

In order to understand the grief process you first need to realize that grief heals. When something traumatic happens or you lose a loved one it is a normal human process to feel grief. Allowing yourself to feel the emotions of grief is what helps you deal with what has happened and allows you to move forward with your life. When you don't work through your feelings they can sometimes resurface and contaminate your life.

Having these feelings does not make you defective or crazy. Whatever you feel or how you feel it is normal for you and is just what you need. There are five prominent stages of grief but the severity, order, and frequency vary from person to person. Grief isn't a pleasant experience, but it's a process which can help you accept the unexpected crisis of life. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross classified the typical healthy stages of the grieving process.

The first stage is denial. You may try to forget something that has happened; thinking it would be better than dealing with it. Other times you may actually deny yourself the chance to feel the pain and loss. People sometimes build such high walls that their lives become a perpetual cycle of denial.

The next stage is bargaining. In this stage we think of all the "if only." If I could do this; then he would have done that. You begin to look for ways to avoid the bad news or somehow reverse it. Bargaining during an illness includes seeking experimental drugs or alternative therapies.

The third stage is anger. We expected the world to be fair and logical. The truth is, life isn't fair and sometimes bad things can happen to good people. It's normal to express anger at yourself or others. Although anger is healthy, continuous anger can be corrosive. Anger will inevitably damage the one who holds on to it.

The fourth stage is depression. After denial, bargaining, and anger you are hit with a realization that what has happened is painful. With this realization comes sadness. Sometimes turning inward and withdrawing to work on your self is the best thing you can do to heal.

The fifth and final stage is acceptance. Once you have worked through all of the other stages in your own way you will come to accept what has happened. Once you except the way things are you can move forward and get on with your future. Just because you are letting go doesn't mean your losing that person or part of your life. You're moving on.

It is important to emphasize that these stages do not necessarily come in order and that every person has his or her own way to work through grief.