What is a Hash Tag?

Can I say for the record that I am 27 years old and still don't have Facebook? And that I still say super uncool things like 'boo-yah', 'cool beans', and 'uber'? So, *ahem*, is it any real surprise that I have no idea what the hell a 'hash tag' is, and what I am supposed to do with it? I mean, do you eat it? Is a hash tag a sweater or something? Oi vay- here is my admission of all the things I have no idea how to use but should, simply because everybody else my age seems to know about it...

Twitter- I have it, but I don't use it. I hit the 'tweet' button for my articles, and then clap my hands and go, 'yay me!' and high five my dog. I have no clue what Twitter is aside all the stuff they talk about with Demi and Ashton on E!. Huh. Far as I can tell, a tweet is a text message for the internet...and that Twitter has a lot of freakin weirdos on it who like to 'follow' me. They can't see what I'm doing right now, can they?

Oh, and yes, I really don't have Facebook. My poor hubby does, and HA HA- all my friends and family are trying to 'friend' him. I hear on a daily basis, "who the hell is" so-and-so, and he's getting as paranoid about Facebook as I am. The first time someone 'tagged' a photo of us and it showed up on his Facebook page, he wanted to know who was 'hacking' into his account! I hate Facebook and don't have any clue how it works, but now hubby is making me get it because he's tired of everyone I know trying to hook up with him because they can't find me. If I wanted 544 friends, I'd have the damn thing. As it stands, I hate even giving out my email address...

I don't know what a hyperlink is or how to use it. I tried, I really did. I printed out a tutorial, took a college class on how to use the internet. All to no avail. If it weren't for 'copy/paste' I would be a lost cause. So much for my computer class- best 3 credits spent EVER! (I did learn the shortcut CTRL/P to print, though, boo-yah!)

What is blue tooth? That's not even modern stuff- I just still have no clue what that is! I try to use the blue tooth on my phone so I can share ringtones and pictures, but all I end up with is codes to other people's phones, and I think they are stalking me. Sigh...and freaking out...

I don't know the difference between an MP3 player or an IPod, just that they are different sizes. They play music, right? Can you believe I actually have a cell phone that has a touch screen? At least I know how to auto-text, even though I have no clue how to use the camera features.

Anything that plugs into my laptop is a 'thingy', including the 'thingy' that my BFF bought me for Christmas last year. It's tiny and can store stuff on it. I took it to Wal-Mart after dragging pictures from my laptop to it (still amazed I figured that out) and then didn't know where to put it or what to call it. I actually asked the Wal-Mart guy what my 'thingy' was, and then forgot. He plugged it into a different spot on the photo thing than I was trying to cram it into (oops) and then had to do all the photo uploading and printing for me.

On that same note, I have no idea how to upload pictures onto my own laptop. Obviously. My main screen is full of blank folders from all my efforts. I also have no idea how to save things as a PDF file, and for that matter, don't know what a PDF is.

I paid for a Microsoft Office program for school and refuse to use the Word that came with it (2010) because it 'has to many buttons'. I prefer the old-school Microsoft Works that came with my laptop. I also used PowerPoint for the very first time this year, and that was for my computer class. Will never use again.

What is an Android, and what makes it a better phone that what I have? What is a 'smart' phone? Is my phone a 'dumbass' phone? Does the owner of the phone have anything to do with how intelligent a phone really is? Hmm...

Do people even use MySpace anymore? What is an ITune? Why is it that our 7 year old is showing me how to download music onto my laptop? How did I activate the 'mute' button on my laptop and what do I do to make it go away?

Sigh...I hate technology- when will I catch up or when will technology go away?