What You Hate About Your Man's Morning Ritual

Sometimes the way a man behaves first thing in the morning rules out any possibility of sexy time until well after lunch. I've seen many articulate, thoughtful men transformed by the sunrise into bumbling, inconsiderate oafs. I'm not talking about vampires or one-night stands, either.

We all have our morning habits, and some are more company-friendly than others. Me, I like to putter around in my bathrobe for way too long, gulping coffee like South America might disappear into the ocean tomorrow. And after living alone for awhile, I got used to doing my morning bathroom business with the door wide open.

Fast forward to that time I let Steven move in after we started dating. Steven was my pal, my best buddy in dude form, and I didn't think twice about altering my routine just because we'd started knocking boots. My new man was the let it all hang out type, and he thought it was revolutionary we could be so open with each other.

As a wise man once said, "We teach people how to treat us," so I have no excuse for what followed.

A couple days into co-habitation, I'm standing at the sink brushing my teeth. Steven stumbles in, mumbling and rubbing his eyes. He plops himself on the toilet and lets rip a series of farts followed by several plops. As the smell of my man's morning business hit in full force during my oral hygiene routine, I realized that some things are better left private. But by then the boundaries had been broken, a new morning routine had begun, and we were destined to end up back in the friend zone.