What to Do When He's Just Not into It

Every teenaged girl has heard the phrase: "Boys are only interested in one thing." Ask any red blooded man and he will tell you it's true, but in reality there are times when a man is interested in much more or not interested in sex at all.

Many women take sexual disinterest personally and consider it an insult if they are in the mood and their man isn't. Even when their man is exhausted or preoccupied, a woman will mistakenly take his mood to mean they are not attractive and even feel ugly or undesirable.

Misunderstandings over sexual desire can cause problems in relationships that last days or weeks or complicate existing problems, so in the interest of saving relationships and egos for couples in despair we offer these tips on coping when he's just not into it.

Don't Take It Personally

There are times when you yourself don't feel amorous but you love your man! Put yourself in his shoes, if he is tired leave him alone, if he is distracted by worries sooth them. You wouldn't want to be pressured when you need to be alone, try to afford him the same courtesy.

Figure Out the Problem

Open the lines of communication with a few loving questions: "Honey, are you worried about something?" or "Are you tired my sweet?" If there is an obvious problem, like lack of sleep or a problem at work getting it out in the open will clear his mind and help him relax.

Loosen Him Up

Direct sexual stimulation is not the way to get a disinterested or stressed man in the mood for love. If nothing happens he will feel even more stressed and less likely to respond. A soothing back or foot rub will calm him and put him in a better situation. Sometimes just smoothing his hair with your fingers will let him know that you love him even if he doesn't feel like making love.

Distract Him

Reading a sexy story or singing a silly song to him will take his mind off of whatever he is thinking and help him 'reboot'. If you don't like to read aloud or sing try telling him a story from your childhood that will make him laugh or doing a little dance in your underwear.

Take His Order

Maybe he knows what you want but is tired of the same old thing! Sometimes all it takes to awaken his passion is to find out what is on his mind. Maybe he's been thinking he would like to try something new but is unable to tell you about it. Maybe you have been thinking about something new too but are thinking that now is not the time. It easy to solve this dilemma: talk to him! Ask him what would make him happy and then do it! Maybe it's just a nibble in his knees or maybe it's to sweep everything from the kitchen table to make space for the two of you!

Do It Yourself

If he really doesn't want to make love and you are still in the mood don't be afraid to take matters into your own hands, so to speak. If you are uncomfortable in front of him excuse yourself to a spare room or the bathroom. You will be far less stressed if you are not frustrated and you will not be inclined to hold his exhaustion or preoccupation against him. Which brings us to the last tip:

Don't Hold It Against Him

Don't let this one small bump be a roadblock to future happiness. Resist the urge to remember this night and never ever bring it up again unless he wants to talk about it. Just as women can be self conscious when denied, men can be self conscious when it comes to what they perceive as an inability to perform. Let it pass lovingly and it may never happen again!