What If.

Just the thought of what could have been pains me. I hate thinking about it, but that's all that seems to come to mind lately. The what ifs come show up whenever I think I've made a really bad decision. Then regret seeps in and taunts me. What would of happened if I had traveled the path that everyone used. I doubt I would of made it this far. My mind is programmed differently and usually I'm thankful for that. I made silly choices as a child, didn't everyone? Now, they don't seem so funny. And I'm left here in the dark, waiting for something big. I can't wait until I'm older and childhood will begin to erase from my mind. There are a lot of things I'd rather forget I've done or witnessed. Too much pain in my head. And that's another thing, whatever caused me to be so sensitive, I loathe it.
Perhaps, if I wasn't as empathic as I am now, I would be so worried all of the time. It's so stressful and the migraines don't help either. That's another thing I would change, the pains I get in my head. I bet that in another life, I would be so successful and pain free.
I know for sure my whole life would be the complete opposite. I used to be so in to Law. At fourteen, my goal was to be a highly successful lawyer with a great car. Everyone would have liked me for me, or the fake version of myself. I probably would have grown into a uptight individual without feelings. Sitting in my office with a heart of stone. It didn't start out that way, must have developed over time. I don't think 'sensitive attorney' would have fit the job's description. I probably would have been criticized for having feelings toward a particular cases, maybe all of them. Eventually forcing myself to quit. When I was younger, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I've always loved animals. We've always had animals around in our house. Growing up with tons of dogs, I knew that it was going to be the perfect job for me. I would have been really good at it, I know this. I would have put in as many hours as I possibly could. The only setback was putting the animals to sleep. I don't know much about the job anymore but I'm not sure if I could hand that off to someone every time. With my luck, I know that a few times I year I would have been stuck with the task. Yes, life could have been different for me. But, I don't think I would or could change anything now. I still despise being so sensitive, but things could be worse for me. I have my health, my family, and loving pets. That is what's really important to me.