What to Do If Your Blind Date Turns Out to Be Hideous

Those of us who are single occasionally agree (against our better judgment) to be paired up with a friend's choice for us. Sometimes, we may have friends who are not as shallow as we are, or friends who are outright "appearance blind"-needless to say, these friends aren't the best matchmakers, and should never be trusted.

If you show up to your blind date and he or she is unbearably hideous (visible and undulating rolls of fat, facial boils, comb-overs, etc.) you really only have one option available to you: flee, but flee politely.

After perhaps three minutes of conversation, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Once behind the safe bathroom wall, text a friend and establish that she must call you with an "emergency" that will excuse you from looking at your date any longer. This is cliché and is the sort of thing that happens routinely in Jennifer Aniston romantic comedies, but unfortunately it is one of the only techniques that works.

When you get the "freedom call" from your friend, it is absolutely crucial that you not get into details with your hideously ugly blind date from Hell. "I cannot believe this," you should say, as you get up to leave. "A friend is having an emergency," you can add, with a look of concern on your face.

If your date presses you for details or offers to drive you, simply say no-do not provide any further information. Rush out of the restaurant as if your friend's very life were in jeopardy. In order to ensure authenticity, do not offer to pay the tab or put money on the table-such gestures simply do not occur to those who are in the midst of legitimate personal tragedy.

Once you are a safe distance away from the blind date from Hell, down a stiff shot of vodka at home and avoid going out socially that night-in comparison to what you have just been through, anyone who approaches you at the bar will seem beautiful and attractive. It is important to rest your eyes for a day or two so that your senses can recalibrate before re-entering the dating pool.