What to Do If Your Child is the Victim of Violence

When you have a child, you have so many hopes. You want them to grow to be happy and healthy citizens, who live safe and productive lives. Then, you realize that this may not be a reality, because they live in a challenging and increasingly violent world. There may be a time that your child is in a situation and is a victim of violence. In this horrible situation, your child may suffer more than physical pain, but emotional pain and so will you. The key is to try to restore a sense of safety and confidence for you and your child. Here are some tips to help your family through this complicated situation.

Instinct v. Intelligence

That call that lets you know that your child has been harmed is one of the worst for a parent. The "who, what, when and how" are only secondary concerns at first. You want to know if you child is okay and where they are. You want to rush to them and comfort them. After it starts to sink in, you want to find the person and hurt them as much as they have hurt your child.

You are angry. First, you are angry at the person who harmed your child. Then, you are angry that you were not there to protect your child. Then, you are angry because you don't know what you should do next.

It's important that paternal and maternal instinct does not drive you to act violently toward the person, who harmed your child. The legal repercussions may send your family into a tailspin. Instead, put faith in the legal system and focus on how to help your child heal physically and emotionally.

An Ounce of Prevention

This a situation that chicken soup and chocolates don't work. Your child may feel weak and ashamed. You talk with you child. Be honest with your child about the situation, but be careful to reassure your child that what happened to them was not their fault and that they are going to have to tell or retell what happened either to the authorities or other people that may come to help.

After you have talked with your child, you may want to let them decide whether they are okay enough to talk with a counselor, who can help ease some of the hurt they feel. You should also talk to their child about whether they want to take self defense classes. These will give them confidence and help them know how to protect themselves.

Parent Plus

As a parent, the process leaves you concerned about the future. If this happens again, will your child be okay. Are you willing to send your child back into a challenging world? You may question whether you have failed as a parent, because your child was placed in a dangerous situation. When you child is victimized, you may lose confidence that your child can handle situations alone; however, you should not let these negative thoughts and feelings consume you. For these reasons, you may need to engage in counseling with your child.

You should also stay involved in any legal proceedings that involve your child. You should not nag or impose upon law enforcement, but know the options and remedies available to your child. Restitution and restraining (protective) orders are all things to consider.

Home is Where the Hurt Is- Sometimes?

In some cases, the violence act against your child may happen in your home. Another parent, sibling, other relative or family guest may harm your child. This is a more difficult issue. Parents need to be realistic, and act quickly to create a safe environment in the home. If the perpetrator is someone your child knows, a plan needs to be in place for that person never to be alone with your child or for that person to leave your home. The person should seek help. If the harm is severe, law enforcement may need to become involved.

Talk Is Never Cheap

Depending on how seriously your child was harmed, this situation may continue to be an issue for your family. It's important to keep the lines of communication open. Be sure that your child does not withdraw and that you, as parent, really assess what's best for your child. Teach your child that violent responses do not solve the situation. Listen and let you child explain other issues that may be linked to their attack. Become proactive. Advocate for safer neighborhoods, schools and streets.

Parents want so much for their children. While we believe in the fantasy of the perfect life, we know that children will face temptations and obstacles. The best defense against the ills of society are open communication and rationale responses. In the face of violence, we need to make sure our children survive the physical and emotional scars it leaves. If we can accomplish this, our children will live safer and healthier lives.