What to Do If You Ever Get Caught Having Sex in the Janitor's Broom Closet

There are times when only a janitor's broom closet will do.

Maybe you've been thinking about having wild monkey sex with that sexy new intern who resides in the cubicle in the back of the office. Sure he's not exactly husband material but he's good for a shag or two. The two of you sneak off to the janitor's closet for a dirty little rendezvous at lunch time so you can pound the flesh amidst floor wax, paper towels and window cleaner.

Perhaps you and your significant other are strolling down the mall, hand in hand when the urgent desire to jump each other's bones hits you. You could go home but as you meander past the shops you spy the janitor's closet and the door is ajar. The same thought crosses both of your minds at the same exact time so you take advantage of it.

Could be that you've just had one hell of a date with someone that's been your best friend for the last 7 years when you suddenly realize how incredibly sexy and important they are to you. You grab your friend and find the janitor's closet in the back of the theater.

And then you get caught. Like George Michaels in the men's room at a rest area. So, what do you do? You could yank your pants back on and run out of there like you're butt's on fire or you could try one of these handy solutions.

1. Moan ecstatically as loud as you can. Throw back your head and scream "I'm Coming!" at the top of your lungs. If you have the ability to reach opera-like octaves, sing it to the rooftops. The janitor will most likely close the door in either amusement or amazement.

2. Invite the janitor in to join you. It doesn't hurt to extend the offer. It is his or her broom closet after all. Not to mention it's highly unlikely the janitor will be in a quick fire hurry to tarnish your reputation after participating in such debauchery.

3. Offer Cash. Everybody likes money and cash usually works. If cash doesn't work, hand over your credit cards and offer up your life savings. Bribery works wonders in these situations.

4. Kill the janitor and hide the body. Just be sure to cover your tracks and read my article on How to Dispose of a Dead Body. Do you think anyone will notice the janitor is missing? It doesn't matter because by the time they do notice you'll be long gone.

5. Ignore the janitor. Just keep on screwing your brains out until security comes running and then finish off by asking one of them to hand you the paper towels.

There you have it, 5 ways to handle getting caught in the act of sex. Please be safe and make sure all the janitorial equipment is moved out of the way so you don't accidentally fall backwards over the mop bucket.