What to Do If Your Ex Can't Seem to Let Go

We all know that breaking up sometimes occurs in stages. How long those "stages" last is usually dictated by any number of factors. While there are plenty of hard and fast rules about the best way to end a romantic relationship-following those rules is often virtually impossible. Some exes are able to remain friends (or at the very least-friendly) after they have parted ways. The circumstances that determine an amicable break-up are infinite. But what if your ex has a harder time getting accustomed to the state of affairs, hanging on to any aspect of the relationship just to keep you around? Let the record show that this particular behavior shouldn't be considered stalking, exactly. But that "clean break" you thought you had can slowly spiral into an uncomfortable clingy experience. Sure, you can remain friends after a break-up. But how chummy is too chummy? Your ex might just be a little too close for comfort if...

He/She often comes to you for dating advice...

Yes, former lovers can actually move into platonic territory with little emotional injury. However, in most cases this process takes a lot of time and patience. There is a chance that even if you've gotten comfortable with the idea of becoming separate entities once again, you're not keen on swapping dating stories. An ex who comes to you for dating advice may indeed value your sage wisdom. There might also be a chance that he/she is simply attempting to sniff out any aroma of lingering jealousy. If you this to be true, nip this behavior in the bud-quickly.

He/She wants to include you as third (or fourth) wheel in his/her new dating experience...

So, you and your former honey are now comfortably nestled in platonic friendship. You've grown at ease with the idea of no longer being romantically attached. But now, your ex-lover has invited you to meet the new Main Squeeze-or perhaps even double date with your new mate. This invite may sound strange. Nonetheless, this scenario occurs more often than you might imagine. Unless you've established a truly open friendship, these invites are often recipes for disaster. There might be a chance that your ex simply wants to show you that he/she has truly moved on. If so, politely decline the invites and wish the new pair well. He/she should get the message.

Your ex always wants to "do lunch."

This is truly a precarious situation. Casual invitations to have coffee, lunch, or anything else can rapidly spiral into full-blown dates. It is likely that your ex just doesn't want to lose the good friend that he/she has admired for years. But it can be tough to separate feelings of friendship from any lingering romantic ones. And sometimes these invitations are sneaky ways of attempting to re-establish the romance. If your ex frequently invites you to do lunch (with no strings attached)-more than likely your former lover just wants to keep tabs on your life for whatever reason. You may not be uncomfortable with the idea. But too many invites may raise red flags. It's ok to do lunch every once in a while. But keep them to a minimum to allow ample breathing room.

Your ex "unexpectedly" pops up at your favorite haunts.

You both had the same taste in music. You both loved Mexican food and independent book fairs. Thus, it's only natural that you may run into one another on more than one occasion. But if it seems that your ex pops up at all of your favorite leisure activities, this may be no accident. First and foremost, consider your Facebook activity. This online social network has become so pervasive that people forget how much information they're revealing to virtual strangers. Advertising your every move online may not be the best idea-especially if you're still Facebook friends with you ex (or have interconnected social circles.) If your former "boo" still seems to find a way to meander into your social life, keep both eyes wide open.

How to deal...

Frequenting places where he/she knows you will be, maintaining frequent contact, or offering multiple invitations-are sticky territorial moves. Considered just short of stalking, this behavior screams: I'm not ready to let go. The bottom line is that you must consider to what degree you are willing to share your new life with an ex. Some people are fine never seeing or speaking to former lovers again. Others are content to keep in contact every once in a while. The line between holding out hope and becoming totally obsessed with an ex can be quite precarious. The level of "ickiness" you feel when an ex reaches out will dictate how you should ultimately handle the situation. Remaining friends after a break-up is certainly do-able. But it is up to you to determine what kind of friendship you're capable of having.

SOURCES:

www.psychologytoday.com
www.thefrisky.com
www.ivillage.com
www.yourtango.com