What If Someone You Loved was Doing Something Very Wrong?

There are many news stories on television these days. These stories tell us dramatic details of murders taking place after a spouse learns of an affair, of families being pulled apart because of choices made by another family member, and of deceit and lies from one person to another. For whatever reason, these types of stories capture our attention, grip us in the stories' emotion, and lead us to a conclusion long before we know the truth of the story, if in fact we ever do know the truth. So, what if someone you loved was doing something wrong?

What if tomorrow you learned that a family member had stolen thousands of dollars from an elderly family member's bank account? Or, what if you found out that someone you loved had accidentally (or on purpose) murdered someone they knew or said they loved? Would you stand in shock? Would you stand in dismay? Would you make excuses for this person and attempt to help them hide from their guilt? Or, would you be the one family member that would take a stand for what was right? Would you be the one to report that family member to the police?

It is so hard to answer these questions unless you have been faced with just such an experience. You never know how you might react when faced with knowing a loved one has done something terribly wrong, something you really cannot help them fix, but must help them face. You are in a horrible position.

If you are a person that has always led a respectable life, never cheated the system, always paid your taxes, never stole from another, always gave more than you were given, and would never dream of taking advantage of another, you would be placed in a hopeless position. You would probably have to do what is right in your mind and in your heart. You would have to face the truth of your loved one's character and behaviors. You might even have to make that call. That call that would change everything.

This happened to me recently. I slowly began to unravel a web of deceit and lies formed by a younger family member. I realized that this family member had made unauthorized bank purchases against an elderly family member's bank account. In the end, I would learn of thousands of dollars missing from the elderly man's bank account. And, I would try to handle all of it myself.

I spoke with the family member that was guilty. I asked for some type of explanation. I confronted the behavior and demanded a solution. I systematically asked the same questions to other family members, learned even more, and then confronted other family members that were enabling the behavior of the younger family member.

In the end, I would get no answer that was satisfying. I would get no relief from my anger and no reasonable explanation as to the actions. In fact, I would be the one that would be placed into the spotlight and the perpetrators would act as the victims in this case.

Finally, I had no choice, if but to save my sanity and help the real victim in this matter, I would have to make that call. I would have to take that step to ensure that the deeds would not go unpunished. I contacted the police.

An investigation ensued and before naught, the perpetrator was called to the station, read his miranda rights, and videotaped and confessed to identity theft, theft and fraud. Two felony counts later, he was out on bond in less than 12 minutes. He will be arraigned in the next months' time. He will go to grand jury. I will be called to testify.

These types of situations can rip families apart. Some members of the family may understand the need for the person who has done wrong to face the consequences of their crimes, while other family members will attempt to cover up, lie and enable the family member who has been charged. The dynamics are indeed interesting, if not worrisome.

What would you do if a family member had done something horribly wrong to someone? What if a family member had stolen property or abused another family member? Would you look the other way? Would you try to reason with them and ask them to make amends? In the end, would you do the right thing? Or, would you go about your life as if nothing ever happened, no matter how it affected those around you or what position it put the victim in?

Why is it that in this day and age, there are many of us around that feel sorry for the perpetrator's of crime? Why is it that less sympathy goes toward the victims in these situations and more toward the perpetrators at times? And why do we feel a need to find some "reason" behind every person's actions?

Someone I loved did something very wrong. I did not look away and I did do something right. Their actions are not unforgivable. In fact, if they were standing before me, I would hug them and cry with them and tell them I wish things were different. But, they are not different and what has been done has been done. Now, the process will play itself out.

People will either rally around the perpetrator or rally around the victim. I will not forget the victim. He is the first thing I think about when I wake and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep at night. But, in the end, I do sleep and perhaps the person that has been charged with these crimes sleeps too. I truly believe there are people that have very little conscience if any at all. I would not be surprised if there is no remorse and no guilt.

When I bury this family member, I will proud to know that I have served them well. I will know that I rose on an occasion that most would find very difficult to overcome. I will know that I stood on my own two feet and took the road less traveled. I will know that I absolutely did the right thing.

Sources - personal experience and knowledge