What If it Were Me?

I'm a slightly mentally retarded idiot who, though just a few months shy of 30, possesses the emotional intelligence of a 20-year-old. This is in fact the reason why I find it amusing to call my penis Mr. Spanky. Speaking of which, Mr. Spanky is very, very lonely for a slim woman with B to C- breasts and lightly textured skin of the white or redbone persuasion!

Anyhow. My life as a slightly mentally retarded idiot has been fraught with tribulations -- alcohol and drug abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, unemployment and even crime. Yet, despite these adversities, I'm now a hard-working, tax-paying citizen who spends his free time reading, writing and drawing caricatures of his penis, whereas in the past I would have been seeking out another "fix" or scheming ways to illegally earn a buck.

The only reason I managed to finally rise up from the dour circumstances of my past is because of the unrelenting love and support my parents showed me. They waited patiently, year after year, for me to finally get a grip and accept that which comes with living in reality: working hard, paying bills and sitting down to pee on the toilet (still working on that one).

Unfortunately, many children aren't blessed with such caring parents. Some grow up under the tutelage of abusers and molesters, while others are forced to make due all on their own, for better or worse. Thus, many of these same kids end up, by no choice of their own, intertwined in a dark, seedy world of crime, drugs and prostitution. And because nobody gives a damn, they keep falling and falling -- either unto death, or into prison.

The only chance many of these broken kids have is through us. I cannot prove this with facts or figures, but I wholeheartedly believe that every dollar directed toward free clinics, free education programs and free treatment centers makes a difference. Certainly, not every child will be saved, as rising up requires will and determination, but if even one comes up as per our efforts, then that's what I call money well spent.

So you can probably imagine why it irritates me to no end that hardcore conservatives feel that spending money on such programs is equivalent to socialism. It is their belief that we were all magically born equal, and that someone who doesn't make it is nothing more than a lazy bum who doesn't deserve to live a good life -- that those individuals whose lives are fraught with pain and suffering have somehow earned their fate.

But just imagine for a moment what would have happened if you had been born in a bad environment or you had been born with a mental illness. Imagine running home everyday after school to escape being teased and bullied, only to get beat-up or molested by your father. Imagine trying your hardest to perform well at school, only to constantly fail for no reason that you can think of.

And the conservatives aren't just concerned about the "social'ism" welfare of the impoverished and disabled. They're equally irritated at all the "entitlements" the elderly receive via Social Security and Medicare. What concerns them is that such "excessive spending" is taking away from money that could be lining the pockets of "job creators" like Exxon Mobile (30.460 billion net profit as of 2010) and Chevron Corporation (19.024 billion net income as of 2010).

What these conservatives don't realize is that a living, breathing human is more important than a pseudo human like Exxon or Chevron. Job creation is important, but it's not as important as ensuring that every single living, breathing human in our country is given the tools and resources needed to excel. Some will squander it, I know, but for every fool, there are tens and thousands more just like me who will use it to rise up in this world -- and it's for them that I "sing this song."

It's true that our country is in a financial crisis and that we must all make sacrifices if we are to ever get beyond it. But that remains an impossibility so long as conservatives maintain the argument that empowering the "job creators" even further -- the same "job creators" who are quick to fire their American workers and outsource jobs just so that they can increase their bottom line -- is more important than anything else, including the welfare of the elderly, disabled and impoverished.

Remember, these "worthless bums" you see at the unemployment office, at the social services center and at the grocery store with their EBT cards could be you. Some of them are abusing the system, but most of them are just trying to survive a very cold, vicious world that doesn't give a rat's ass about anything but profit. So before you judge them, always ask yourself, "What if it were me?"