What Imprints Will You Leave Behind?

It was an unfamiliar phenomenon to me. Having talked to several people who had lost a spouse, parent, or other family member, it became clear to me that everyone does not mourn the death of loved one. Some people, in fact, express that their lives are much better thereafter.

"Finally I can move on with my life," a woman once told me following the death of her husband, who had succumbed to a terminal illness. "The kids and I are just glad it's over and we're ready to move on with our lives." On the surface, this might just sound like a woman who had grown weary from the strain of caring for a terminally ill spouse. Caring for a terminally ill family member can undoubtedly be a mentally, physically and emotionally stressful undertaking and thus that person's passing might bring a certain kind of relief to the caretakers, even though they will miss him or her deeply.

However, this particular woman was quick to also point out that her significant other had "always been a very mean and difficult person," and that she was disappointed that it took him as long as it did to die. "He was always very stubborn," she added. "I think he stuck around longer just to make us suffer."

Here was a husband and father who had left such negative imprints on the hearts and minds of those closest to him that they could feel little sorrow at the time of his death. While there were no allegations of physical abuse, this man had obviously provided such emotional and psychological stress to his family that his passing was seen as a blessing. Perhaps the mourning would come much later. There would be time to mourn the loss of opportunity - the opportunity to see this man evolve into an openly warm, caring and even remorseful human being, and the opportunity to heal the brokenness that he had caused within his family. At the time of his death however, there was only relief.

Over the years, I have learned of countless other stories like this one - of a loved one whose passing was like the rainbow at the end of a lengthy storm. Unlike most storms, these are manmade and cause extensive damage to the hearts and minds of those they shower upon. And for some, restoration cannot begin until the storm passes.

We as human beings have the ability to impact one another, whether positively or negatively. Though we may be merely an afterthought to some of the people that we encounter over the course of our lives, there are most likely individuals that we affect to such an extent that we leave our imprints on them - imprints that they may carry with them for the rest of their lives. Sometimes the imprints are so deep and negative that only upon our passing can the healing process truly begin for them.

What imprints will you leave behind? Will those closest to you have been positively impacted by your presence in their lives, or will the imprints that you leave require years of healing? At the time of your passing, will you want individuals to celebrate the rich life that you lived or merely let out a sigh of relief because you are gone?

As long as we still have life in us, we can begin the process of repairing any damage that we have caused to those we love. Whether we have many years ahead of us or are down to our last days on this earth, we can apologize from the depths of our hearts for any pain that we have unnecessarily caused others. And if time and circumstances permit, we can begin to heal our relationships with those individuals.

"When she was on her deathbed, she told me that she knew she hadn't been a good mother to me, but that she always loved me," a woman shared following the passing of her mother. "She told me that God would watch over me and my daughter. I was with her when she took her last breath."

Many people leave this earth without having made peace with their loved ones. The words "I'm sorry" do unfortunately have an expiration date, as our opportunity to express them is limited to our individual life spans. And while forgiveness can occur long after we are gone, achieving such may be an uphill climb for those who are left behind to find it.