What to Do when Your Kids Hate Church

What to do when your kids hate church may never be a problem for you. But, if you are a person who is firmly rooted in a religious denomination and one or more of your children begins to express a dislike for going to church and pretty much all things church related, you may find that you are in the midst of one tough parenting task. There are things that you can do to resolve the situation but before you begin, take your problem to the God of your faith and ask in no uncertain words for some serious direction. As a person of faith the last thing you want to do is to turn your child even further from a relationship with church and God.

Begin by displaying honest to goodness patience when it appears that your children hate church. Sometimes simply letting their mini-revolt against church and things religious will be all that is necessary. Firmly reminding your son or daughter that you all worship together as a family and then just going about your business getting ready for church and supplying them with anything they need to be ready for church can in some cases put an end to it. Some kids just like to try out your vigilance and determination, when they see you have both intact they may decide further testing is likely to head off in an uncomfortable direction and so just give in.

But at different ages, for different reasons children are likely to take the road of youthful revolution and begin to question the whole faith-God-church and sometimes even family thing each and every week. After trying the patience routine unsuccessfully, its time to move on to the reasoning thing. This means taking some of your valuable time to create a gentle nurturing atmosphere in which you and your child can have a meaningful discussion about church. There are lots of reasons you can give your child for why he or she should be attending church regularly like: it will make you a better person, God takes care of you, you are part of a faith filled family and so forth. You are welcome to use any or all of the possible in roads to get compliance and get your child more positively motivated to attend Church.

If you really want to get to the heart of the matter of why your child hates church the wiser course may be to listen, really listen to where your child is with regard to his faith. Don't be anxious to interrupt. To the contrary be anxious to be still and caring. What could possibly be more important for you to hear than what your child is feeling about God. When you think about it, how many times do parents really get a chance to hear about their child's faith journey? Very few. So savor the moment. Ask short questions that are meant to reset the discussion for more comments by your son or daughter.

Your own courteous welcoming of your child's thoughts and opinions can make a great difference in how things proceed. The question of why your child or children hate church is not all about you. It doesn't mean that they are bad children, in fact it rather says they are passing through a normal phase of life. Nor does it mean that you are a bad parent. Think about it, you have been taking your children to church all along, how bad a parent can you be. Recognizing that this issue is about your child, his feelings, beliefs, doubts, temperament, leads you to the second major recognition. This is an issue that seldom requires discipline, threats, rules or the like but rather one that requires time, discussion, good example and encouragement.

Gently talking with your child and refusing to let the issue become an argument will allow you the most important element in improving your child's attitude towards church - time. Given enough time you can then begin to provide a variety of situations which can help your child to develop a more positive attitude towards attending church. You can arrange to work on some service projects or social event that show a whole other dimension of what it means to be part of the church. You visit other churches so you can compare and contrast with your child. You can continue your conversations on a regular basis about those issues that are troubling for him or her. You can make church attendance a part of a prolonged family time that includes breakfast out. Use any tools you can think of to extend the conversation and stay away from confrontation

Especially continue to be a faithful example of what it means to be a member of your church. After working for 25 years in religious education I believe strongly that the best way to share the faith, with your children, or anyone else for that matter, is to live it.