What Kids Need to Know About Divorce

Divorce seems to be way too common these days. It is estimated that approximately fifty percent of marriages will end in divorce. People don't seem to want to fight for their marriages anymore. It seems to be much easier to just call it quits and walk away. The line about "Until death do us part" needs to be changed to "Until death or divorce do us part." Marriage doesn't enjoy the same level of sanctuary or commitment that it did at one time.

Divorce often leaves a trail of broken lives and dreams. And usually the largest percentage of these divorce victims are the most innocent of all. They are the children. Often caught in the middle, these children have little or no say at all in divorce proceedings. They have to stand by and watch their whole world be torn apart. Their family is divided and changed forever. Many times their entire life is disrupted, from the home they know and love to having to change schools.

Children should, therefore, be told what is going on. Once the decision is made by the parents that a divorce is the only possible solution to their problem, children have a right to be allowed to voice their opinions and ask questions. They should be allowed to voice their fears and anxieties about their future. And they have a right to know how the parents plan on taking care of them.

Both parents need to sit down with the children and discuss what is going to happen in the near future. The discussion should be calm and civil. This is not the time for name calling, crying and accusations. The children are already going to be frightened, so for their sakes, keep it civil.

Parents should start out by telling the children that the divorce is a decision Mommy and Daddy reached. They should be told that both parents love them very much and will always love them. Parents should be as honest as possible with the children, but there is no need to drag your dirty laundry out in front of the kids. Although, living in the same house, they may already know a lot more than you think. Do not use this time to blame the other parent. This is the time to show the kids that although Mommy and Daddy will no longer be together in the same house, they will always be the parents.

Children will want to know who they will live with. If they are remaining with one parent in their current home, then reassure them of this. But be honest, if there is a distinct possibility that they may have to move in the near future, then prepare them for that. You could say something like, "We will continue living here for the next few months, but then we will be moving to another house."

The kids will want reassurance from the leaving parent that he or she will remain in their lives. The parent should be ready to acknowledge that need and be willing to give them that reassurance. The parent should give the children an address or location of where he or she is moving to and take them to see it as soon as possible. The parents should also assure the children that they will have space at the parent's new home.

By taking the time to talk to your kids about what's going to happen during and after the divorce, the kids will be less frightened and more prepared. Divorce is never easy on anyone, especially children. It is the parents' responsibility to help their children during this difficult period. Let them know that both parents will always be there for them.