What Kills a Marriage?

There are many different things that can kill a marriage. Knowing what can kill a marriage, and having an idea of how to prevent it or fix it, can go a long way towards saving your marriage, and making your marriage worth saving.

The biggest marriage killer that I can think of is a lack of RESPECT, on either spouse's part, or on both sides. For a relationship to be happy and successful, you MUST respect each other! Showing respect for your partner, and vice versa, can go a long way towards getting you through the normal conflicts and challenges of marriage. Name-calling, dishonesty, hurtful statements, rudeness and just a blatant disregard for the other person or their feelings, signals a HUGE lack of respect, and is the biggest sign that your marriage is heading towards severe conflict and possibly divorce. If two people don't have respect for one another, they can't find common ground or find ways to solve their conflicts without tearing one another down.

The next marriage killer is just as bad as a lack of respect, and that's a lack of TRUST. If you and your partner don't trust one another, in ALL aspects of your relationship, then your marriage is like a sinking ship with no lifeboats. No one can survive in a relationship without trust. Not having trust tears at your heart and your very soul, and stops communication before it ever starts. Counseling is an absolute must if either you or your partner have trust issues... it's even more important if BOTH of you have trust issues. If you can't trust the person you have committed the rest of your life to, then how can you expect to make it through the rest of your lives together? Trust is the foundation of a happy and successful marriage.

Substance abuse and/or addiction is another marriage killer. Unfortunately, this is one thing that you can't fix unless the person with the addiction is willing to admit there's a problem and seek help for. Substance abuse and addiction are horrible on the person dealing with it, and the people around them who loves them. People who are addicted often can't function in a healthy way or in a so-called "normal" way, and it makes it impossible to have a happy successful marriage when one person is stuck in the trap of addiction and the other person bears all of the burden of trying to "make it work." There are many treatment programs and options out there for those who are addicted and their loved ones, and it's absolutely imperative that the non-addicted spouse seek counseling and other support or help, to be able to make healthy decisions and choices regarding the relationship. It's also important to realize that you can't change anyone, and you can't fix anyone. The choice has to be theirs.

Financial problems are also a major marriage killer. The constant stress and strain of financial problems can make a single person feel as though they're losing their mind, can make it extremely difficult for them to function in a normal and healthy way. When a couple goes through constant stress and strain of financial problems, or even a one-time emergency situation, this can be amplified a thousand times. Financial problems are one of the biggest reasons for divorce, and there are ways to combat it. Financial counseling, debt relief counseling, budgeting classes and personal finance classes are a great step, if both you and your partner are willing to make the changes to lessen the strain.

Communication, regardless of what challenges you face in your marriage, is an absolute must! If you can't communicate with your spouse, then how can things change for the better? I strongly suggest that couples get counseling before marriage, and utilize the resources that are out there to help build a stronger marriage. And if your marriage has become a "sinking ship", there are ways to save it... Marriage counseling, individual therapy, etc. Just be alert to signs on "Marriage Killers" before they become major issues, and "kill" them, before they kill your marriage!