What KInd of Families Raise Children Who Become Criminals?

My son is now out of prison after 7 years. He got out of prison three weeks before his 40th birthday. He has been in prison 3 times and each time that he was reincarcerated it was for a more severe offense. He is my second son from my first marriage. Our family has a long legacy of drug and alcohol addiction. It is very obvious that we have a strong predisposition towards alcohol and drug addiction in our family, on both sides. It is easy to say sometimes, "Why us?"

It doesn't seem fair. Who ever said that life is fair? In my first marriage we did not only have addiction to alcohol and drugs, but there was a lot of violence and abuse. We both, my ex-husband and I both came from the epitome of dysfunction. When we got together we both wanted to have a perfect family. It is tragic because neither one of us had a clue how to be married, letting alone how to be parents.

Since we both came from such violence, addiction and fear, we tried valiantly not to get angry. We didn't fight. We saw what happened when people got angry in our families. We never learned to express anger or discord healthily. We drank to deal with our emotions. I know that I drank to swallow my anger and fear. When we could no longer cover up our emotions things got out of control. We were crazy as parents. Our son was the little scapegoat that called attention to "the elephant in the living room."

He acted out, and made life hell. We didn't know what to do with him. Our other two children were ignored because of all of the attention that he required. We took him to counseling and were told that there were problems in our family. This really ticked us off. My ex-husband wanted nothing to do with counseling. Neither one of us were honest about our alcohol use. It wasn't until my ex said that he was afraid that he was alcoholic and that he wanted to commit suicide that I got help for myself.

That opened a whole can of worms. Once the secret was out, all hell broke loose. I got help from Alanon and later went into AA when I wanted to drink so bad that I knew that I needed more help than I could get from Alanon alone. There is a saying in AA and Alanon that goes similar to this, "If one spouse starts getting better, the other spouse will either get well, or get gone."

It was true in our case. When he saw that I was not going to continue the madness he left. He tried to come back and would raise hell and threaten. He was abusive even more so after the divorce was in effect than he was during the marriage. That is a whole other story about the ineffectual help that I got from the police at that time. I actually had a couple of cops come into my house and say that if I didn't like it, his violence, that I could leave, it was as much his house as it was mine.

Laws became stricter once her husband bludgeoned Lisa Bianco to death after he was released from prison. Before that women were at the mercy of their abusive husbands. Why am I going into all of this? It is to help people to understand why so many men and women as well get into addiction that can lead into criminal behavior when they come from insane families.

I am not proud of what I was. I am not proud of the fact that I was a crazy mother and screamed and yelled at my kids. I was living in fear. I was repeating behavior that I learned from my insane family. I am not proud that I drank and was angry all of the time because I was so terrified of what was happening to my family. I am proud of the fact that when I learned that I was unhealthy that I reached out for help. My ex didn't and a lot of the madness that he continued still effects our grown kids today. But for the grace of God go I, is another AA slogan.

Most people that are incarcerated have come from abusive, violent, and addicted families. It is a very hard pattern to break. If at least some of the family members get help, there is hope for the inmate who is trying to be successful when they get out of prison. The statistics of inmates who return to prison is staggering. I have included some links so that you can read up on this information.

Part two of this article will be on what my husband, who is my son's stepfather, and I have done to help our son survive out of prison. It is very valuable information for anyone who wants to help someone get their life back together after leaving prison.

I also want to publicly thank Jack Wellman for his prayers for my son, family, and continual encouragement. God bless you Jack!