What I Learned in My Day of Nonconformity

I took part in a day of nonconformity by simply being myself and allowing my actions and words to reflect my true feelings. Teenagers and young adults are often accused of acting the same as everyone else. "Cliques" are so common in high school and college, and they are always seen as unfair and cruel to those outside of the group. Girls and boys within cliques are said to be "conforming" to the likes, ideas, and appearances of their friends. I define nonconformity as behaving in a way that is not influenced by others thoughts, actions, or opinions. I focused my efforts on acting just as I would if I were to spend the whole day by myself, without worrying about how others might perceive me. For instance, I usually wake up an hour before I leave for work, giving myself enough time to shower, style my hair, and apply makeup. On this day, however, I decided that I would go to work with no makeup and my hair thrown up in a ponytail. This was a huge change, for me and for my co-workers because it is very unusual for me to sport the natural look. Throughout the day I made sure to not catch myself doing anything that did not reflect my internal feelings. I did not smile if I felt it would be a fake one, and I did not ask questions just to be polite. I did not feel I was behaving in a rude way, just in a way that did not include the usual "normal" behaviors people display in every day life.

If I am completely honest with myself, I would have to say that the person I like more is the "normal" me. I feel this way because I come off as a much more likeable person with the fake smile plastered on my face, as superficial as that may sound. I work with the elderly in a nursing home, and my day is filled with the consistency of frozen smiles and gentle, reassuring voices. I believe in the theory that one's actions can predict a certain mood, and having a smile on my face all day, whether genuine or not, can actually put me in a happier state of mind.

The psychological costs of living authentically may include a feeling of separation or distance from one's peers. I personally would find it rather exhausting to try and live every day as a distinct "individual." I feel that it is easier to behave in a way that does not require a lot of attention or effort; for example it is sometimes too difficult to answer truthfully and with much detail when a person asks the question "how are you" every time you run into them. Benefits of living authentically would include feeling free, and capable of revealing your true opinions in different situations and conversations. When I am with people I feel extremely close with, such as my friends or boyfriend, I find that my true self does come out, and I am behaving as an "individual." Therefore, I feel that when functioning in a society where not everyone is your closest friend, the benefits do not outweigh the costs.

On the Saturday which I behaved as a nonconformist, others reacted to me exactly the way I predicted them to; they noticed a difference immediately. All day comments were made about my lack of makeup and hairstyle, ranging from "you don't need makeup" to "you look sick and tired." I think that people made external attributions about my appearance and behavior, because after seeing me every day they would feel that my real persona must be the one that is displayed the most often. Perhaps they credited my lack of enthusiasm and makeup to a specific event, such as a night of partying or a fight with a loved one.

My specific "blatant" act of nonconformity was a behavior that everyone performs daily, whether it is noticed or not. When asked the question "how are you," it is within our society's norms to reply with a simple "fine, and you?" However, I felt that on my day of nonconformity I did not want to comply with the rules of polite society. When I arrived at work, of course the first thing said to me was the expected "how are you?" My answer was a detailed description of how my life really is going, including waking up late that morning, feeling sick and drowsy from a lack of sleep and how I am dreading the long day of work ahead of me. I also described the stress I was feeling about my boyfriend coming home from school in California, and my worries about not having enough time to complete my homework over the weekend. By the end of my rant, I noticed that the other person seemed to be overwhelmed, as if by asking me that question that had expected a simple response of just a few words. It was extremely liberating to reply with such honesty and enthusiasm and when I asked the same question in return, I found my co-worker replying with the same sort of detail, telling me about a problem of her own (a restless two-year old had kept her up most of the night).

I feel that behaving in a nonconforming manner is a psychological technique of its own; even by trying to be a nonconformist, others will find themselves following your lead. If everyone behaved as an individual and only said what was really felt and thought, would that not become the new norm? If every person were to blatantly display their individuality, would it not be expected of them in the future?

If I were to honestly predict my behavior one month from now, I would have to say that I cannot see myself making any permanent changes in my actions. Sometimes being in a "clique" is not the worst that can happen; I would not consider myself a mean person, my friends and I would never bully someone else just because they do not "fit in" with us. Yes, I do share a similiar physical appearance with most of my friends (tan, dyed hair, a good amount of makeup) but I don't think that changing my appearance would change the way I feel about my friends. I feel that sometimes it can take a lot of effort to resist the norms of society, and I do not see it as completely necessary. If I were to try harder to stand out with my looks (dying my hair a darker color, wearing no makeup or piling on extremely thick amounts of makeup) I would be pretending to be someone I'm not! I know the person I am inside, as do the people who truly matter in my life. So I will put the fake smile on my face and go back to work, because that is what makes functioning in every day life the easiest for me.