What to Look Foward to on Valentine's... After Having Children

You might call my husband and I a romantic couple. We are not shy about our affection. We enjoy spending time together and hate being apart. We like candle lit dinners, and being able to spend time just holding each other. We also make sure to keep a healthy and thriving sex life. We started out early in our relationship being as romantic towards each other as possible. We were like two teenagers in love. Oh wait... we WERE two teenagers in love. Then we became adults and got married. The honeymoon lasted forever! Or at least it seemed to last until those three little words came out of my mouth one morning not very long after a very romantic Valentine's day... "Honey, I'm pregnant." Everyone always tells you kids change everything, and you say, "Yeah, I know." But it hits you some time post partum... you didn't have a clue. What you THOUGHT you knew, didn't even scratch the surface. The realization hits you about the time that you think, "Oh... I'll just run out to the grocery store real quick to get something..." and suddenly you have an epiphany, and in that epiphany you realize going to the grocery store entails hooking in the car seat and packing the diaper bag. And oh... the baby just spit up all over themselves so they have to have a change of clothes before leaving... in fact you better pack a couple of extra changes just in case. And right about the time you get to the store, your little bundle of joy is making less than a joyful noise and you have to stop and feed them before you can continue. And while you're at the store you realize that you are low on diapers and toilet paper... but you can only afford one or the other. Then you realize a couple more things you might need to pick up and by the time you get home you realize you forgot to get what you originally wen there for.

But three kids later I've learned something else children tend to usurp in a relationship besides finances, time, and energy... romance! Anytime we start to hug or kiss, choruses of "Mommy" or "Daddy" begin, no matter where we... or they... may be. It is as if they have proximity sensors... "WARNING... PARENTAL UNITS IN CLOSE PROXIMITY! MUST PREVENT FURTHER CONTACT AND POSSIBLE FUTURE RIVALS!" For us who find it incredibly difficult to find suitable and trustworthy baby sitters for our little.... de--ears, alone time, date nights, and Valentine's is incredibly difficult. So here are a five things we attempt to do when planning a romantic evening.

#1 Spend Time With The Kids Early - This option has a 50/50 chance of success. Some times setting their expectations upfront that you are spending time with them now, and then they will be expected to go do their own thing for a while works, sometimes it does not. I find it is becoming increasingly successful with my oldest child as she continues to grow. It seems however that affection is an addictive drug for children. The more they get, the more they want, and they do not always respond well when they are told their supply is being cut short for the night. When this happens it seems that a romantic evening is on hiatus in favor of an affection addiction intervention.

#2 Feed, Wash, and Put Them to Bed Early - If you can manage to get this accomplished, you're on the sure path to a romantic evening success! However children have minds and agendas of their own. (See the proximity alert above.) It seems that where this is a good idea in theory, it's not always as easy to put it into practice pending the inevitable minor catastrophes along the way that children have a penchant for creating.

#3 Yell at them to go to bed - Heh... If you're a parent, you already know exactly how effective this tactic is against children who've already developed the defense mechanism of being able to tune out their parents.

#4 Set Them Up With A Movie - Children are amazing in this respect. When you'd rather they be doing anything else (for example cleaning their room) children just can not seem to escape the hypnotic effects of the television screen. However when they know you want them to leave you alone for a little while, it loses it's hypnotic effect. Do not count on this "babysitter" to do it's job.

#5 Include Them in A Special Activity - I have found this to be most effective, though not fool proof. Especially on Valentine's day. Traditionally my husband dons the apron and cooks one of his Italian specialties for me. Now he includes the children in the cooking and clean up and we ALL sit down to a candle light dinner. The point here is that children learn about relationships and romance from us. Even though time to just be a couple is necessary it is important for them not only to see their parents celebrate their love, but to participate in the celebration as well.

When they have the satisfaction of feeling included I have found they are generally content to drift off to sleep with a happy valentine's smile, leaving mom and dad to chocolate's sparkling champagne, and candle lit massages... barring their proximity alert disturbing them in the middle of the night, manifesting with cries of... "Mommy and Daddy, I had a bad dream... can I come sleep with you?"