What is Love

Of all the words in the English language, love is one of the hardest to define. In the Greek language, there are four words for love; each with a number of variations depending on the type of love being described and what that type of love is doing (Bible Questions and Answers). There is godly, or unconditional, love; love between parents and their children or a subject and his ruler; emotional love, or deep affection for another person; and the love that exists between a husband and wife. But how does one define love, in general?

The most common tendency among human beings is to describe the attributes of love. The Bible, in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV), tells us that

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self- seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but
rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres (1
Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind).

This is a good description of the attributes of love, but it does not define love. So, then, what is love?

Let us look next to William Shakespeare. Shakespeare wrote one of the most famous poems about love that has ever been written. In his 116^th Sonnet, he tells us

...Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark...

...Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom... (Shakespeare)

This is another excellent description of the attributes of love, and it goes deeper into the lasting nature of true love. Still, love is not defined.

Now, we turn to the dictionary for a generally accepted definition of love. According to Webster's Dictionary, love is, "strong affection for another...; affection and tenderness felt by lovers; affection based on admiration...; warm attachment, enthusiasm or devotion; an unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another." (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) It is in the last part of this definition and the relevant lines of Shakespeare's 116^th sonnet that we find the true definition of love.

Love is an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another that lasts forever. When one loves another, he wants for that person happiness, prosperity and success with absolutely no consideration for any benefits to himself. Love is unconditional. It does not say to its friend, "I will love you as long as you are kind to me or do as I say." Rather, it says to its enemy, "I love you in spite of the harm you have done to me." Other emotions and instincts - such as desire, protectiveness, and affection - may accompany love, but they are not love itself.

True lasting love for an individual generally does not happen overnight. It is a process that happens gradually. Yes, we may love our neighbor. We may love humanity. We may love the drug addict sleeping in the street. But these are not individuals; these are vague concepts of people. To love an individual person unconditionally and irrevocably requires some bond other than their humanity. This is where instinct and emotions such as lust and affection come in.

Sexual desire for a person can, and often does, exist without love. Teen girls fall in and out of "love" on a daily basis, "loving" someone one day and despising him the next. This is lust. It is the effect of hormones. Still, it can be a basis for the development of lasting love. When a couple marries, it is through the act of sexual intercourse that their emotional bond is strengthened. This act makes the couple of one mind and one body and gives them a reason to stay together even during difficult times. Through long familiarity and that sharing of oneself, the couple grows to love each other in such a way that, even should the relationship end, the love - the unconditional, unselfish concern for another person's well-being - continues.

Affection is another precursor to love. Affection is fondness, or liking. One has affection for her niece or her friend. When one has affection for another, he enjoys being in that person's presence. He seeks out the company of that person and spends time with him or her. Familiarity grows, the two become entwined in each others' lives, and love develops which will withstand the test of time. Should the pair separate early in their relationship, the love will not develop beyond that general love one holds for all of humanity.

Instinct is yet another precursor to love for an individual. Instinct is a reaction born of nature. There is no reason for it except that the reaction is imprinted in the genetic makeup of each individual. An example of such an instinct is familial relationships. A mother, by instinct, feeds, clothes, washes and protects her infant. A child, by instinct, looks to his parent for that nurturing and protection. The instinct being fulfilled, the child and parent will continue to live together for many years. Over the course of those years, true lasting love will grow between the parent and child and no time or distance of separation can remove that love.

As stated previously, love for an individual usually requires time to develop. This, however, is not always the case. Rare exceptions do occur. Take for example a hypothetical case, taken from the film, "City Slickers". A man passes the home of a young woman who is in her yard. She stops whatever she is doing and looks up to the heavens with an expression of bliss on her face. The man does not know her. He cannot stop to speak to her. And yet, the impression of this young woman is burned into his memory so that, even as an old man, he wonders what she is doing and hopes she is well (Underwood, 1991). This is love at first sight. It is rare, but it can happen.

Human beings will persist in giving the name of love to all those emotions and instincts that generally accompany loves. They will continue to define love by its attributes rather than by its own definition. Say what we will, those attributes do change. Sexual desire fades. Fondness wanes with circumstances. Parental instinct fades as the child grows older and more capable of caring for himself. But true love for an individual does not change. To repeat the words of William Shakespeare, "Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom."

References

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind. (n.d.). Retrieved November 23, 2009, from The Daily Bible Verse: http://thedailybibleverse.blogspot.com/2008/07/1-corinthians-134-7-love-is- patient.html

Bible Questions and Answers. (n.d.). Retrieved 23 2009, November, from NeverThirsty: http://www.neverthirsty.org/pp/corner/read1/r00322.html

Merriam-Webster Dictionary. (n.d.). Love. Retrieved November 23, 2009, from Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/love

Shakespeare, W. (n.d.). Sonnet 116. Retrieved November 23, 2009, from Shakespeare Online: http://www.shakespeare-online.com/sonnets/116.html

Underwood, R. (Director). (1991). City Slickers [Motion Picture].