What is Love?
It's Not Love If There's No Integrity
For many years I have questioned the true definition of love. We as humans have tried over and over again to make up definitions to love. But the oldest and most read book in the world states, ". . . God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.1 John 4:16KJV
As I sat listening to Halle I also noticed her non-verbal (non-verbal communication is 78% of all communication). Her non-verbal was so familiar. When she stayed focused on talking about her baby and Gabriel Aubry (the father of her child) her face lit up. She was in the moment and you could see she was feeling love. But when she had to make the slightest reference to her failed marriages you could almost see her weeping within.
"It's not love if there is no integrity". Halle stated that she dealt with past situations by accepting what her ex's had told her because it was what she wanted to hear. Her current amour tells her the truth. She said that she had to get to place in her life where she was able to accept truth; which can sometimes be painful. How often do we accept trash because it's what we think we want or need to hear?
Over the past few years I have accepted what Halle speaks of. Having someone tell you what you want to hear as opposed to the truth is YOU lying to YOU. If you accept their lie and negate your feelings, you might as well stick the knife in your own back.
While watching Halle I remembered all of the "Baby I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me" quotes I clung to. I knew fool well that a man who only wanted to be seen with me when the sun went down did not love me and was not respecting me as someone who was the best in his life. I chose to turn a deaf ear and alter the lie to continue feeling (pseudo) love.
It's not love if there is no integrity is what I could not articulate for myself. While trying to understand why I could accept an I Love You from someone who would never defend my honor, would throw me to the wolves at any given moment or deny even knowing me, I realized I wanted more; so much more.
I did not say those words (It's not love if there's no integrity) in 2001 when I said good-bye to my last companion. Those are the exact words I needed. But I didn't say them. What I did say, out loud, to myself was:
I am so much better than this and if I never hear I Love You from a man EVER AGAIN IN LIFE I will not miss it because this lying bastard will not sour my heart and I will not grow old and bitter trying to figure this crap out!!!!!!!
How true, it's not love if there's no integrity. But we must have integrity of self to know when to walk away.
Love doesn't hurt.
Love will defend your honor.
Love will hold your hand when all of his friends are watching.
Love will kiss you and say I love you to the world.
Love will present as a queen.
Love will require you to take responsibility.
Love is reciprocal.
Love will challenge you to be your best.
Love has got your back.
Love will not hang you out to dry.
Love will often see you as if you're meeting for the first time.
Love will spoil you.
Love will make you feel safe.
God is love.
Love is in us all.
Published by Break A Leg!
Gail resides in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. By day she is a program specialist at a community college (assisting first responders with their funding needs). The rest of the time she is a commercial, fi... View profile
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9 Comments
Post a Commentas for me l think love is something that we should not play with so l advies young girl to becareful.
as for me l think love is something that we should not play with so l advies young girl to becareful.
It's not fair that many women and men will never know love (other than love from your family and friends) because there are so many fools out there skulking about waiting for you to drop your guard. I hate them!
Great article. Thanks for sharing. When of the most important things that I've learned about love is that it should not make you deny who you are.
Charlotte, I hear a book in your voice!
Ms DBW
Halle doesn't sound like a victim but she has been victimized by men. In a perfect world a man would tell you up front if HE was prone to cheating and being emotionally or physically abusive then there would be no need for women's shelters. Halle learned to raise her standards because obviously she suffered from low self-esteem. God is good because now she has the chance to have a man in her life because he genuinely LOVES her and wants her and their child. You seem to have a self-righteous and unempathetic spirit be careful with what you attract.
I got lucky in the love department. I've been with my husband for 43 years and can't imagine my life without him. It's not that I can't take care of myself. Just the opposite. It just wouldn't be nearly as much fun. Having a soul mate is wonderful. I just hate that not everyone can find theirs. It doesn't seem fair.
I too saw Hallie and I truly felt that she has come full-circle and has defined "love" for herself and her life. As a single female seeking that one man, I took from Hallie's and Gail's message is that we must define for ourselves what we will and will not accept. Just like Hallie and everyone else, we've all been in and out of relationships (some of us are still in them), taking whatever that relationship wants to give, because that's what we believed we need or deserve, but until we stop and take stock in ourselves, do we really "get it" and I think that is the message Hallie and Gail are sharing!! We are only victims if we decide to continue to play that role!!!
Well now; I saw Hallie Berry on Oprah too. However, she still sounds like a victim when it comes to men. She continued to talk like she needs a man to validate her as a woman. She now uses the word integrity like a badge for a man to have in order for her to take him serious. Well, Hallie Berry is the one who needs to have the integrity to draw a man with integrity. I also know what you mean Gail on a personal level. If a woman raise her standards for herself; then she will raise the standards for the man she wants to spend her life with in a marriage. We must love and respect our temple; our mind; our spirit; our heart and our soul first in order to be loved and respected by our men. Remember we will reap what we sow in this life.