What Makes a Man a Dad?

Permit me to warn you before you read another Word that this Article is not designed to evoke warm fuzzy feelings in you. It isn't intended to speak to the glory of guys who are proud of the fact that after a little hard breathing and a few grunts they have helped to create a life without much thought or Talent. It is however a blunt look at the difference between a Sperm Donor, a Father and a Dad. From one end of the sphere that is in my Opinion no more then an Animal living out its natural Urges to the other extreme which is one of the truest everyday Heroes you will have the privilege of meeting. If you are a ready for a bit of stark naked and yes even harsh worded truth read on. If not, please close this page now and go on with your day.

Sex 'em up, spread their legs, get 'em pregnant and move on - meet the Sperm Donor!

Before I go any further let me explain that I am not addressing those males that have deposited their Sperm in a little vile at the local Sperm Bank for either profit or to help an impotent or barren couple, a lesbian couple et cetera. Nor am I addressing a "surrogate" Father whose entire purpose is to impregnate the designated Mother by the request and with the permission of both partners involved. In either case, this kind of Sperm Donor has gone into the proceedings with all involved knowing that he will never be involved in this child's life and is not wanted there. He is no more then a squirt of juice to help fertilize an egg. Neither one of the two have any reason for to feel shamed other then the one they may feel from their own code of morals., breach of belief or regretted consequences later on.

No the "Animal" in this case is the male that goes from one female to the next, uses everything in sight without any thought of consequences or stays in a relationship until the woman is with child and then leaves her high and dry. In some cases staying long enough around until she has become too big and unsightly or is no longer able to be used for this baser needs. To be fair, I have to interject that the woman that allows her-self to be used by just any guy walking up without any protection or thought of what might result is as much to blame as the male, but that will be covered in another Article.

This type of male is ever ready with a million excuses why he has to move on and a dozen stories how it is really not his fault. After all he is the one grievously wronged, when it is indeed the woman and even more so the child that pay the price for his carelessness. You will hear statements ranging from:" I didn't mean for that to happen, I was so careful. She tricked me. She didn't take the Pill when she was supposed to. It isn't my responsibility. It isn't my child, she is a slut and who knows who the father is." To the false contrite and humbly phony: "I would never be a good father. I would just be in your way. You are better off without me. I just can't do it, you know I want to, but I just can not do it," Either one of them smacking with falsehood and cowardice at best. Of course we do have the other types, that one day just don't come back and are never heard from again without a single word and the other one that "is doing his duty" and sends a couple of Dollars (quiet literally) every 6month to a year. He wishes he could do better, but after all he too has to survive and don't you appreciate the fact that it is rough out here?

At times you may even have him stop by from time to time (every 4-6 month) for a couple of hours to see if you can work something out, after all he wants to be in the child's life and he does miss you horribly. He tries to once again get in your pants (normally when he is tired of his current paramour) and then is off again. He may talk of the child he has fathered, but believe me in this Story you have a harsh role to play. You are the Harlot that seduced and tricked him. You are the Shrew of an Ex that has run him out of your life. He wanted to work it out, but you won't let him near his own child and he suffers so much. He uses the child as a token to proof his virility, (look at me I can father a child I am a Man!), as a trap for a woman that is too soft hearted and wants nothing more then to fix this poor broken soul.

What kind of male is this male? He is a Charmer more often then not, he is the worldly traveler and knows how to talk circles around you. He is the bad boy that makes your heart race with his tales of adventure and his never ending passion. He has story upon story of his former lovers and everyone always succumbed to his charms. He is self assured and he is a lot of fun. Or he is the married male, who is leaving his Wife for you, but she isn't feeling well yet and she has given him his kids. You know he can not desert her now, don't you? With other words, he can come in any shape and form, age and race; you can count on him to promise you the world and give you a lot of good times, but don't ever count on him. When the going gets tough and you really need him, he is out of there or not available to help you. He is just too busy with his own life. Sorry, but you did know this, didn't you?

He sticks around, pays his dues dutifully and gives the Child his name. He is always there, but never emotionally. You can have everything you need besides him. Meet the Father Figure!

Where the first one is beyond despicable, the second one does deserve our respect at least. He has done the honorable thing and has stuck around. He may not want to be there and more often then not he may even resent the Woman that got pregnant, but he is there to help with anything that does not involve getting involved.
We must be fair here, often this type of male just doesn't know any better. Perhaps that is how he was raised, or he is trying so hard to build an empire for his family that there is nothing left of his energy for his family. He believes that his job is solely to take care to meet his families' basic needs, but the kids are the mother's responsibilities. He can not be bothered to get involved in that department. He has too many other more important things to do. He is willing to do his part as long as it doesn't involve having to give of him-self. He claims the children as his own and at reunions or the business party he even gives the impression of being proud, but they are nothing more then yet another chore to take care off, another responsibility to meet and his love shows solely through his monetary gifts. Hugs, smiles and kisses are seldom if at all and they don't reach his eyes. There is no real warmth to this person, but you can never fault him. He is taking care admirably of what he has created. No matter what. If he goes to the occasional function or spends the obligatory vacation with his family, you can be assured you know that he is doing it out of obligation. He is doing his job, don't ask him for more. As long as you have food, shelter and closing, in his book he has shown you that you are loved.

What kind of male is this? Most of the time he is the emotional closed off type that has just never learned to show love. The ever busy Businessman that can not give his time to such trivial things as raising a child. He is the rich person that has done his duty and fathered a child; now let someone else raise it. He is the divorced male that has not only divorced his ex but with her his kids as well. He has moved on to bigger and better things.

He gives of his Time, he disciplines and protects, and he brags about his children, their successes are his pride. Introducing a true everyday Hero - a Dad!

Blood and the ability to father a child doesn't make you a Dad, your attitude, love, actions and devotion to your Child does. This Male is worthy of nothing short of the highest adoration and Respect. He is one of the few left that have not only sown the seed but are around and involved to see it grow. He is involved in every facet of his off-springs upbringing. He is not only the provider, but also the teacher, the counselor, the judge and jury, the protector, the comfort and most of all the rock in an unsafe world. He is there at whatever functions he can make it to, he works hard to support his family and make sure his child has what is needed. He wants to hear about their day and encourages them to greatness. He disciplines their wrong doings and corrects them with stern but fair reproach and yes even with as swift "kick in the butt" if need be. He spends time with his kids even when he is tired from a long day at work and has time to hear them out when they need his advice. He is proud of his kids' successes and brags about them. He worries about their foolishnesses and worries about their future. He is glad when he hears his kids laugh and sees them happy. He may look forward to a time when he once again can be only man and woman with their mother, but he loves being a Dad as well. He sees it as what it really is, a special calling in life that has many heartaches but also many rewards. His child is his legacy and that which will immortalize him and he understands and knows that in the very core of his being. He considers his kid before him-self. He is the true hero of our times and will never desert his child. He loves deeply and with open eyes. He is the one that will give the child all his knowledge, wisdom and wise counsel.

A special Breed of Dad, the Step-dad.

I have given this a very special place, because in today's society we have more and more blended families. First Marriages don't last anymore and often we remarry and bring new Parents into the fold. The Step Parent has a difficult role at best and more so the Step Father. More often then not a Mother wants the man she brings in to take responsibilities but not give him the rights and privileges that come with the Role he is taking on. I am not saying you should not watch out for the new Adult in the Family, but by automatically undermining everything the Person does and not seeing any faults in your own children ever you are closing the family dynamics off automatically. If you have trust enough to marry this person and bring him in the Family, then perhaps you should have trust enough to give him the Role with all its facets.

If such a Man is given the Chance to take on the Roll of a Dad and he then goes above and beyond anything that could be expected in raising the product of another mans loins I would say that this person deserves a Medal. Where many biological Fathers fail, this singular man is taking on the responsibilities and care for a child that is not even his own without ever letting the Kid feel that he is anything less then his own heart. Such a Hero should have no less then the highest devotion and respect from his woman and child.

Being able to spill your seed and create a life, doesn't take talent. If your sperm count is right and your sperm is healthy you are just doing what nature has created you to do. It isn't a talent, a skill or even anything to be very proud off. Making a woman pregnant is not a batch of honor or a notch on your Belt. Being a Dad is!

My respect and admiration to all the real Dad's out there. Thank you for taking your "Job" so serious and I hope that the Woman that the child calls Mom appreciates you. You are one of the few and you deserve a Medal of Honor.