What Makes a Marriage Work: Steps to Take Before Saying I Do

Most people dream of getting married one day. Having a magnificence wedding is usually the bride and groom's vision. When scheduling a wedding, so much preparation, time and effort are placed into having the ideal wedding ceremony and a memorable reception. But sometimes less thought goes into the kind of marriage one is seeking.

Unfortunately, the affirmations made during the wedding ceremony, namely for the rest of our lives, in sickness and in health and until death do us part are sometimes brief. With over half of all marriages ending in divorce, a person should pose the following questions: what makes a marriage work, and how can one strive to achieve a good lasting relationship with his or her mate?

When I look at couples who have been married for 25 years or longer, there are several unique qualities that these couples share: They usually have the same values, goals and interests. The old adage that oppositesattract may not work if these principles are missing in a relationship. They share a mutual respect for each other.

They enjoy each other's company. Power play rarely exists in their relationship. There is usually a give and take on both sides. They have a good sense of humor. Communication is very important. This means they talk as well as listen to each other. They do not necessarily agree on every thing, but they respect each other's opinion. They work as a team to make the relationship work. They seek fairness, sensitivity, sincerity, intimacy, romance and commitment from each other. They live life to the fullest.

This is not to say that these couples didn't face challenges, or that their marriage was perfect. It means that they went into marriage with the promise of dealing with any obstacle as a twosome. Throwing in the towel when a setback came about was not an option.

Marriage is not for everyone. Regrettably, many couples don't realize this until it's too late. It's a good idea to search into your heart and soul and really think about how you see yourself as an individual, and whether you're ready to share and commit yourself to another human being.

Before going into any type of relationship, it is vital to know who you are first, because you usually attract what you are. If you have a low self-esteem, then you will attract someone who has a low-opinion of his or herself and will never value you as a person. Denigrating or ridiculing you will always be their main objective, before and after the marriage.

Love at first sight and thinking it's the right reason to get married so quickly may be a short-term sensation. Getting to know someone is imperative and should be a long-term endeavor. Be observant. How does the person treat his or her parents, other family members, friends and strangers? Does the individual you're attracted to treat others fairly and with respect; is he or she courteous, caring and compassionate? How does the person behave in private and in public? Is the person appalling behind locked doors and a sweet thing in public? The way a person behaves towards others is the same way he or she will deal with you.

The kinds of people an individual connects with will tell you plenty about that person. As the saying goes, show me your friends, and I'll tell you what type of person you are. If your future spouse loves to party all night and stay up all day with his or her friends, then this may be a sign that you will be spending lots of nights alone.

Never make the assumption that a person will change for the better, or that you have the power to transform someone's negative mannerisms. If a person is an obnoxious jerk when you meet him or her, then he or she will continue to be an unbearable jerk during the marriage, unless there is some divine intervention.

Looks, money and status alone will not tell you who a person really is, but how one handles unforeseen challenges in his or her life will. Beauty wilts, money can disappear and a person's position can change, for better or for worst during the marriage.

The questions you should ask yourself are what is important to me, and what do I expect to get out of a marriage. Are you looking for love, money or security? If these are the only components that you are seeking in a marriage, then you should already possess these elements before committing yourself into a marriage. If having children is important to you, it should also be important to your future spouse. If you are knee high in debt and you're living from paycheck to paycheck, then perhaps you need to evaluate your financial situation before taking that big step.

What ever the reasons you have for getting married, take a long look at yourself and your future spouse. Examine the qualities you both take pleasure in, and see if those characteristics make for a good sense of balance in both of your lives. Discuss your likes and dislikes. Marriage is not an institution to be taken frivolously. If there are existing problems, unnecessary drama or turmoil during the courtship and engagement phase, then the both of you should take time out, evaluate your state of affairs or go your separate ways. You can always do well or bad by yourself.