What Makes a True Friend?

When you look out on the world, do you see a host of souls that need saving? Are you looking to help someone carry their load, or maybe searching for someone to help carry yours? Who do you consider your real friends, and what is it that distinguishes them from out of the mass of hopefuls?

Friendship is an experience that has undergone thousands of transformations throughout our time here on this planet, but there is a certain quality or essence that, more often than not, manages to shine through all the permutations. It seems that a true friend is one who encourages the best in us and discourages the worst, while at the same time never expecting us to be something other than what we can be.

Here's where it can get tricky, though, because what do value judgments like "best" and "worst" really mean in the scheme of things? If we don't really know ourselves, it can be easy to fall prey to people who claim to want and/or know what's "best" for us. Ever come out of a long-term relationship with the feeling that you never really knew the person who was your partner for all that time? Illusions are spawned by a lack of self-knowledge. When we aren't aware of our own real needs we run the risk of attracting a lot of the wrong people into our lives.

I suppose it's a variation of a worn out cliche that says, in this case, if you want to make good friends then first you have to be a good friend to yourself. But some cliches stand the test of time because they carry a kernel of truth.

This is not to say that a person who's close to us can't tell us things about ourselves of which we're unaware. But there's a difference between giving input out of a sincere intent to support someone and putting in one's two cents because one has a stake in that person being a certain way.

The quality that constitutes a good and solid friendship is probably something that has to be felt rather than thought about. The heart can arrive at a much quicker and clearer understanding than the mind can. There are a few tell-tale signs that can often indicate that a friendship is the real deal, though. We feel safe to be ourselves, wherever we're at. We're free to speak our minds. When we do speak we feel heard, and when it's our turn to listen we don't feel like it's a burden but rather do it because we want to.

Of course, if you happen to know someone who'd take a bullet for you without hesitation then I'd say hold onto that one for life.