WHAT a MAN LOSES when HE MARRIES TOO YOUNG

When a man, a young man, is in love or in lust as the case may be, everything is beautiful. Nothing is too big to handle. Nothing can stop him from being with the one he lusts after. He is ready to take on the world. Until, of course, his lust / love is sated. Once the colors in his eyes begin to gray, he will begin to sway.

Even the possibility of getting his object of attention pregnant, cannot steer him any other direction. He fantasizes, right along with the young teenage girl he is dating, about having a baby, raising it, dressing it, playing house and falling deeper and deeper in love.

Unless this is a well experienced young man, who has been in similar situations many times in the past, he will stay right there with his girl. He will be there as long as things are comfortable, she is still cheerily attending to his every need, and he is pretending to take care of things financially.

School will pose no obstacle. She will continue until she cannot any longer. Then they will make plans for GED for her and a "good" job for him. They will look at real estate ads and make plans. They will window shop at baby stores and dream about the day. They may even put a crib on lay-a-way. Everything is fine, nothing can hurt them now.

Suddenly, one night when the little lady wakes up screaming and begins punching and slapping her would be "Daddy," his dream explodes in his lap. He has entered another world. He has left the world of "everything is beautiful" and has entered the one of "Welcome to reality."

His beautiful, pink cheeked little Mommy is suddenly turning green and shooting fire from her eyes. She is accusing him of getting her this way just so he could go out on her. Oh, yeah, he's dumbfounded but she is serious. He just stares as she continues her rampage. Finally she breaks down and cries and he holds her close to comfort her as he wildly tries to think of a way to get the heck out of here.

Young relationships, first love, passion, softness and pleasure are all so wonderful. They are hypnotizing and entrancing. Everything else fades in the background. Dreams of a picket fence, two little kids, a family dog, Daddy coming home from work changing his suit coat for a sport coat, Mommy busily cooking a three course dinner in her classic GE kitchen, cloud their minds and lure them into the American dream.

Now he knows he did wrong. He did something bad. Now the questions come racing before him. Where will I get a job? What will I do about an education? Will I ever get to play foot ball again? How will I handle her? So many things are at stake for the young Father. They are for the young Mother as well. The young Mother just can't run as fast as the young father can though. What are some of the consequences of early fatherhood, of opting for a family before he is even out of high school?

1) EDUCATION: Early Fatherhood does not have to result in the young man leaving school but most often he will probably take advantage of the opportunity to do so. He can justify it now, right? Once a young man forfeits his education for any reason, he has just lost a big chunk of himself, his self worth and his future potential.

2) COMPANIONSHIP: He is deeply in love, right? He does not need any other companionship. If you believe that, then you need to look at your couple friends and see who has girl's night out or guy's night with the guys. People, who are not convinced they can find everything they need in their partner, will forever be searching. They will never be satisfied with just the one partner. Early Fatherhood can easily lead to perceived, forced marriage and seclusion from the active single life.

3) EXTRACURRICULAR EXPERIENCES: The young Father, once he accepts the challenge awaiting him, drops out of all sports, does not take any classes of any kind, doesn't have time for intramural sports, and if he does anything, usually does it alone because the other married men have a wife to support and report to. The young Father has work and home to look forward to.

4) GROWING UP: Jumping into Fatherhood at 16 or 17 or any other too young age, robs the young man of his opportunity to grow up. He loses the ability to learn from his wild mistakes and to pay for his blunders. He has to watch the baby while his wife goes to work to make enough money to buy lunches for him when he goes to his "good job."

5) INCOME: I have been looking for work almost forever. I have always worked but I am always looking to improve my circumstances. I know what is going on out there. If you do not have a four year degree you are almost out of luck on getting a job. Sure, you can go to most any fast food, convenience store or gas station and probably get some sort of employment. This is not what his dreams were all about though. Those are all good jobs but they are made for young, dependent, single people. The wages and hours reflect that fact. There isn't much there to help a young man raise a family and support them in a place of their own.

Consequences of early Fatherhood are multiple. I have only touched the surface. That's why you will always at least one or two stories of the guy who ran. Some guys look into it and realize "I can't do this." They run, leaving the young Mother behind to fend for herself. She may be able to go back to Mom's but then maybe not. She will need to get a job, a babysitter, a place, all on her own. This, while all the time the young Father is back at school, playing football, dating the next cheerleader and taking classes in auto-mechanics.

Consequences, there are many, funny though, as you look harder at the bigger picture, it looks like the young Mother may be the one to shoulder the young Father's consequences after all.