What it Means to Be Female

I've been female all my life, so I can speak with some authority about the advantages and disadvantages which favor or plague my gender. Some of these issues apply to me and some don't. Some of them will apply to you and some of them won't. If you look at our gender as a whole, you'll see the picture society paints. Some of the stuff is blatant and obvious; some of it is subtle and hidden. Being female is difficult and convoluted. It can be frustrating. It can be wonderful. And it can be painful. When I speak of this publicly, women and modern, enlightened men often nod agreement, while less enlightened men squirm uncomfortably because it hits a nerve.

Being female means that some mothers like to dress you in dresses and cute shoes and discourage you from climbing trees. I was lucky. My mother didn't mind my adventurous spirit. Many girls are not so fortunate. They are kept inside, tethered to the family circle, while the boys get to run wild and free.

Being female means parents and teachers tell you that girls are good at languages but cannot do math well. If you believe it, you may never grasp the concepts, never accept the challenge, never reach your full potential.

Being female means that you are ill prepared to deal with boys when their sex drive awakens. You mistake their demands for affection, their need for devotion. You are conditioned to believe in their superiority and you give in to their urging or if you don't, you're made to feel like a failure.

Being female means that you will be blamed if you get pregnant, you'll have to drop out of school, and put your future on hold, while your boyfriend gets to go on to college and leave you behind. It means that you are a 'huzzy' while he is a 'stud.'

If you choose to carry your child to term, you - not your boyfriend - are expected to care for it. If you choose to terminate your pregnancy, you - not your boyfriend - face the wrath and judgment of your church and your neighbors.

Being female means that family members encourage you to pursue 'female' careers. If you have other ideas, they tell you, 'That's not for girls.' It means that you set the course for what will be a lifelong pattern of achieving less and earning less.

Being female means that at some point in your life you will be expected to give up your name and take the name of a man, just because you promised to love him. You will change your identity. And you will take on the roll of 'wife.' Once you're a wife, you are expected not to out-earn him, not to out-learn him, not to out-play him, and not to out-shine him in any way.

Being female means that if you go to church, you are expected to quietly serve in a lesser function. In some religions, it also means you may not speak or sit in the front pew. You will hear the preacher say that it is your calling to be 'submissive' to a man. You believe it, since you've already bought the lie that you're no good at math.

Being female means that you will look over your shoulder every minute of every day, knowing that any man can rape you and brutalize you and destroy your confidence and that he will walk away knowing that he did so.

Being female means that you are expected to ask permission from your man for any activity that does not directly involve serving his needs. You are expected to ask his approval for your opinions, actions, interest, and friends.

Being female means you'll do the lion's share of the child rearing and homemaking work. It means you're expected to step down from your promotion, cut back on hours, take a job closer to home, so you can be available to care for and nurture your family and perform housekeeping duties.

Being female means you will earn over a lifetime 23% less than a man. This means that you are one step away from poverty and homelessness, should you find yourself widowed, divorced, or abandoned.

Being female means you are better served using charm and sex appeal than intelligence and assertiveness to advance in career and relationships. That vague feeling of cheapness you get from using womanly wiles is something you'd better learn to live with.

Being female means you are more likely to die from a heart attack than a man, you are more likely to have lupus, breast cancer, lung cancer, or osteoporosis than a man. It means you are more likely to break bones when you age. A broken hip is often a death sentence to an elderly woman.

Being female means, you are more likely to become a victim of violence from purse-snatching strangers, boyfriends or husbands because 85% of domestic violence victims are women. It means you are more likely to be sexually abused by your father, cousin, brother, uncle, teacher, or any other authority figure in your life. It means you are more likely to be trafficked and pimped. The average lifespan of trafficking victims from the time they are first taken is three years.

Being female means that in some countries you are more likely to be mutilated and sold into early marriage or servitude. It means that you may become pregnant when you are still too young to carry a child to term without serious and permanent harm to your body.

In the US, in 80% of the partner homicides, regardless of which one of the partners was the murder victim, the man was physically abusing the women prior to the killing.

Being female in the US means that if you have been abused for years and fear for your life and you finally fight back and kill your abuser, you will serve more time in prison than your abuser would if he had beaten you to death.

If you are female and you are incarcerated, you are more likely to be raped by your guard or correctional officer, someone from whom you cannot escape, whom you cannot report and against whom you cannot retaliate.

Being female means that you are more likely to be poor when you are young and supporting children. It means that you often cannot afford health care for yourself and sometimes for your children. It means that you are often stressed and suffer from anxiety disorders.

Being female means that you are more likely to be poor when you are old. Your wages were probably lower and so is your social security. It means that you are one step away from homelessness. Elderly women are the fastest growing group of homeless in America.

Being female means that you are conditioned to blame yourself when your partner becomes angry and abusive. You have been raised to please. When your partner is no longer pleased, you assume that you somehow failed him.

Being female means that you are more likely to be blamed if you are sexually abused. It also means that your reputation will suffer if you were sexually assaulted.

If you are female, you are less likely to be forgiven if you cheat on your partner. You are less likely to be popular if you are strong willed and opinionated. You are not expected to interrupt men when they talk. You are expected to smile more, plead more, and speak in muted tones.

Being female means that if you are married, your signature will forever have to go on the second line on your tax return, even if you earn more than your spouse.

Being female means that you - not your husband - will be blamed if your kids don't turn out right, do drugs, or break into cars or houses.

Being female means that it's your fault - not your husbands - if the house is messy, even if he is the one making the mess.

Being female does have some bright spots:

It means that you carry the secret of life in you. Your body is a miracle. It knows how to alter itself to cradle an unborn. Your body grows, it shares, it nurtures, it protects, it bleeds, it delivers, it suffers. Being female means sharing the bond of childbirth with millions of other women in the world.

As a female, you are more likely to receive help. If you are stranded on the side of the road, both men and women are more likely to stop and render aid. If you have something heavy to lift, men are more likely to assist you. If you are troubled by a technical problem, men are more likely to step in. If you are in danger, men are more likely to risk their lives to save you.

Being female means, men will hold doors for you and allow you to step ahead of them. They are more likely to pay for dinner. They will walk you to your car to ensure your safety and they will make certain your car starts before they drive away.

We don't have to follow all the rules of being female. We can stand our ground. We can fight back. We can set boundaries. We can succeed. We can claim some of the male-only territory for ourselves. We can have adventures, make laws, take care of ourselves. We can empower each other to reach our full potential.

http://www.findcounseling.com/journal/domestic-violence/domestic-violence-statistics.html

http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2008/10/women_poverty.html

http://books.google.com/books?id=F0jrQ28IpZgC&pg=PA280&lpg=PA280&dq=longer+prison+sentences+for+abused+women+who+kill+their+abuser&source=bl&ots=ltNq_o4Qvc&sig=bNtTJMxjaLQMRbZZSOuMq9i2xaA&hl=en&ei=2JiTTZyZB9Citgepp8hZ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=3&ved=0CC0Q6AEwAg#v=onepage&q&f=false

http://www.lawsraisetheroof.com/fact.html