What Men Really Want to Know

Growing up, I had a lot of male friends. They would always turn to me for advice about their girlfriends, or the girl they wanted to be more than just their friend. When I met my husband in high school, this trend continued. His friends would always ask me why women do certain things, or how to best approach a sensitive subject. In fact, we have been together for twelve years, and the same friends still ask me questions. Why? Because I have always been an open book. I have always told it to them like it is, whether or not they wanted to hear the answer.

A few weeks ago, one of his friends asked me a question regarding his current relationship. This got me to thinking. The vast majority of men out there are probably wondering the same thing, but have no one to turn to. At least not a woman who will admit when we are partly, or fully, to blame for the problem.

So here I am now, deciding to write this on going column. I received a barrage of questions from the men I know and have been doing some research on the answers. I have been asking women from all age groups and ethnicities. Most of these women I know very well, and have no doubt that they are being honest with me. My answers to these questions are based on this research, as well as my own personal opinion. I have decided to discuss one question at a time, as some of the questions will require a great deal of research.

The first question I chose to tackle was, to me, a simple one. Why do women wait until after sex to ask or discuss a serious topic?

Simply put guys, we are not dumb. We now that you are at your most vulnerable post-climax. We know that our odds are upped of getting our way if we have just made sure you were physically satisfied. Face it, sex is way more important to a man than to a woman. You seek it more, desire it more, and even need it more for your self-esteem. It's not that a woman does not like sex, we do, but we are far more emotional in a relationship than physical. Men were created with a stronger sex drive than women. So what would the smart money be on for us, to ask you when you get home from work, or when you are completely and utterly stress free?

Us women also know that after sex, you really do not want to talk. So chances are, if I am asking for something I'm afraid you might not approve of, why not ask after sex. You don't want to talk, so you probably won't be listening. If you are not really listening, I'll probably get my way. You'll agree just to shut me up. Basically, I can get my way without an argument.

This tactic can also have another up side for us women. Suppose we ask you to go to the ballet right after sex, knowing that you absolutely hate the ballet. You say yes just to shut us up so you can enjoy your after glow. When I remind you of this engagement, you might tell me you do not remember agreeing to go. This gives me the opportunity to shove it in your face that you never listen to anything I say. To tell you that if it is not important to you, than you could care less what comes out of my mouth. Then you may ask us when you made this commitment, just to test our honesty (because it is also believed by many men that we lie about everything). We will remind you of when, and evoke that guilt. You'll not only feel it inside, but you'll get that look from us as well. You men all know it. That, "I gave you my best and satisfied you, even though I wasn't in the mood, and you can't even make this sacrifice for me." Chances are you'll suck it up and go. Not only that, we may be able to guilt you into another unwanted duty. Like joining that annoying couple for dinner before hand, or buying me that necklace I've been eying to go with my gown.

This is a very sneaky tactic, I know. But face it men, we are going to do it. Like it or not. Women have unfortunately used sex for years to get what they want, and we will continue to do it as long as you have that sex drive. My advice, make sure you really listen to us after sex. Difficult, I know, but if you don't want to get stuck in those predicaments any longer, this is your only option.

A side note for you guys out there. Learn what makes your woman feel that ultimate climax. Is it sex or shopping? A work out or seeing that old friend that used to be prom queen but who now has a mustache larger than Gaucho Marx and weighs thirty pounds more than her? Generally speaking, I always feel great after receiving an unexpected present. It can be a card, flowers, or jewelry. My suggestion for perhaps getting your way would be to wait until after these moments to bring up the subject. Now note, that you cannot do it immediately if the moment is a surprise gift. Wait at least a day. If you bring it up right away, we will know you are up to something. We are generally suspicious in nature. Also, if you are the type of guy who rarely gets his significant other unexpected gifts, DO NOT bring up the sensitive subject after the first time. Unfortunately, most women are going to think you are apologizing for something you already did the first few times. Give her some time to get used to getting spoiled once a month. Enough time to brag to her friends about how sweet and wonderful you are. Once she is convinced you are giving out of your love for her, and not to hide some wrong doing, then you can begin testing out the waters. Start with something simple. For example, I'm going to meet the guys for a couple of beers after work (make sure it is only a couple, or you will have to start all over to build that trust level back up with the gifts).

I hope this helps some of you men out there! Good luck with your understanding of the subject. If you have any questions about this article, or about a different subject that needs some clarification, let me know. I'm ready and willing to let you know the truth.