What Do Men Want? Men Speak Out

Meet the guys who finally had their say on what they want from women and what they find important in relationships.

Ralston, Age: 34, Occupation: Software Licensing Consultant

Tony, Age: 30's, Occupation: Director of Operations for three mental health facilities

John, Age: 46, Occupation: Project Manager, Author

Dino, Occupation: Actor, Director

Luther, Age: 37, Occupation: Software Developer

Eddie, Age 44, Occupation: Salesman

What do men REALLY want?

Ralston: Brothers really want a woman who understands that being a man doesn't necessarily mean he's a dog. He wants someone who will allow him to be the man at all times, not selectively, and definitely not someone who tries to control him.

John: A woman I can call my own who will let me love her unconditionally and vice versa, she does the same. A woman who can be independent (if she must), but also recognize and realize a relationship is a union of two hearts acting and loving as one. A woman who knows the meaning of the word support and the phrase, I will always be there for you. A woman who is beyond the games in life and realize life is meant to be lived, enjoyed, cherished and loved.

Dino: I want a God fearing woman. I do not know about other brothers.

Luther: We are very simple creatures. Not really driven by emotions. A man is really easy to please. We do not want too much in relationships. By that I mean one that has too many requirements. We never really grow up. Give us some room to go and play sometimes. Good sex, a meal and an occasional Poker night with the boys makes me happy. A woman that has goals in life; a woman that looks through godly eyes; not seeing all the bad habits of her man, but looks to enhance the good attributes of her man.

Eddie: Brothers after 40 want a woman who is interesting, attractive, driven and fun to be with. We also want her to be self supportive and a "freak" in the bedroom.

Why do good men love bad girls?

Ralston: Very interesting dynamic that you pose. Simple cliche' says that opposites attract, but I think it's just an intrinsic nature to want balance, and often times that balance comes in the form of an opposite.

Tony: Well, I can't speak for all, but some people in general feel that a "bad girl" or "bad guy" brings safety, security, drama, and excitement to the relationship. Of course it's a misconception but there are people who feel this way. That is why you will hear someone say "so and so is nice but they are boring". Think about that for a minute. Personally, I like a "good woman", whatever that means.

John: The same reason good women love bad men--the perception of more exciting and adventurous times. It's all about the bad girl will keep it real and do anything. The freak in the bedroom myth.

Dino: Not all men. I do not; it's a headache.

Luther: Because they are sexually simulating.

Eddie: I don't; perhaps this one relates to a certain age group

What is your definition of a good woman?

Ralston: Again, the Biblical cliche' for this one is "A Proverbs 31 woman"...LOL. For me, a good woman is one who first and foremost knows who she is and loves herself dearly and completely. If those two are the essence of her foundation, then there's no need to create a list/expound on my definition.

Tony: Like my last statement, "Good Woman" means something different to most men. To me a good woman is one that is honest, respects herself and others, business orientated, can handle her own financial affairs, loyal to the man she loves, not drama oriented, and someone who loves their loved ones.

John: See the first question :-).

Dino: A woman who really puts GOD first.

Luther: See answer #1.

Eddie: A good woman needs to define what she wants and make sure she treats a man like she would like to be treated. She should be honest, forth right and confident in herself.

In your opinion, why do you think some women are passing you up or if you're in a relationship have passed you by in the past?

Ralston: Humm, in all honesty, and not trying to sound conceited, but I'm not really being passed up. ;) I'm actually having to pass them up. But, to answer your question in general, I think/believe that a lot of sisters, have close to zero-tolerance at this point in the game. Any hint of being disingenuous and its snip...even if the guy is truly being genuine.

Tony: Women generally don't know what they want a lot of times. Women tend to have unrealistic expectations. Women are influenced by friends and families most of the time and make bad choices as a result of advice that isn't meant for them. Have I been passed up? Not sure because I've had some pretty good woman in the past.

John: For me, easy question. Been told too many times I look intelligent, studious, nerdy, unapproachable, serious, etc, etc...lol. When most females get to know me, they are honestly surprised I am the direct opposite of how they initially saw me. Too funny!

Luther: I would ask what are they offering. Today looks play too much of a part in the decision to pursue a man. Being a man that has a case instead of a six pack and did not get much conversation when I was single. But I had a great future to offer.

Eddie: I think a lot of women judge men based on a preconcieved notion of what they think a good man should be i.e. the TV. Most women concentrate on the superficial aspects of men and most times we don't know what women want so it's hard to please. Example, if a woman and a man go out on a date we are expected to pay for the check, open the door, be a gentleman and not get physical, otherwise we are no good, a dog. If we try and treat women right and be a gentleman and don't try anything then we are "GAY" or strange. What in the hell are we to Do???

What would make a good woman more appealing to a good brother?

Ralston: More appealing...? I'm sorry you were asking me something?...LOL. Hmm, confident sex appeal...classy sexiness. Yeah, that'll make a good woman more appealing.

Tony: A woman that takes pride in her appearance. No, everyone is not going to physically look like Halle Barry but I don't care what anyone says.....to a man....looks matter!....let me say that again...men are visual....woman are emotional.

John: Nothing. The magazines, talk shows, lectures, books, etc are all over-exaggerated. A man or woman already subconsciously knows who or what type of person they want to be with. If one fails numerous times seeking that good man or woman, they will keep on failing and that's ok. At least, they are being honest with themselves. However, if one likes a bad girl or bad boy (thug), finding a good woman or man won't make that person happy, because it's not what they want. You attract what appeals to you. You can blame it on whatever you want, i.e., I don't know what I was thinking--sure you did, that was the type man or woman you are attracted to, be it thug or drama queen...lol. Great things about being in America, we love giving each other excuses for doing this or that :-).

Dino: Simple - Good in Christ.

Luther: Shut up and stop shaking their heads. Conform to the roles that God intended for male and female. According to the Good Book to bulk of the responsibility is on the man anyway. Humbleness is one of the hardest things to exercise.

Eddie: Just talk to a man. Smile. Be kind. Looks and materialist items come and go, but a good man lasts a lifetime.

Last, but not least, why do you consider yourself a good man?

Ralston: I consider myself a good man because I'm mature, responsible, confident, driven, passionate, understanding, caring, loving, forgiving, uplifting, outspoken, and a few other things. But, overall, I'd simply say because I've been blessed to have had my father as an example.

Tony: I am a good man because
1.I know who I am in life
2.I handle my financial life alone.
3.I have my own place to live, car, job and dreams.
4.I don't lean on people.
5.I love the people who have shown love to me
6. I'm loyal to the people who are loyal to me.
7. I don't lead women on. I let them know who I am and what I want. They have a choice to deal with me.

...those are some of the reasons....

John: I know how to love, support, provide, communicate, make love, be honest and loyal, be a friend, a partner, a listener, a problem-solver (and yes, that's a part of a relationship), be in a lasting relationship, and be a man--very important. And I would never call myself a good man, only a man. A good man is in the eye of the beholder.

Dino: I put GOD first, and walk with Christ.

Luther: Yes I consider myself a good man. Perfect by no means but willing to put my mate and my children's needs ahead of mine.

Eddie: I'm a good man because I believe in a committed relationship, respect all women not just my sweetheart and believe in great communication. I also love to have fun and consider myself a very great person with many hobbies and experiences that will make any women happy!.

Interview by Shelia M Goss, author of three romance novels: My Invisible Husband, Roses are thorns, Violets are true and Paige's Web. For a detailed bio, visit www.sheliagoss.com.