What New Moms Don't Share with Each Other

After the birth of my son, I spent four wondrous days recovering on the postpartum unit of the hospital nearby. Unfortunately, I had to have a cesarean birth due to the baby "failing to descend" or so they said. Well the drugs that are available in the labor and delivery unit are wonderful, but definitely had a detrimental effect on my labor. So off to surgery I went. They cut me open, took out my son, and stitched me up. Then off to recovery I went. When I finally reached my room, I was in an enormous amount of pain and discomfort. Luckily I had a team of angels who rushed to me with Percocet, water and anything else I needed. Yes it was a wonderful experience. At the same time I was falling deeply in love with my son who I could not get enough of. The nurses suggested sending him to the nursery at night so I could get some rest. The idea just made me sick. The thought of being separated from him was nauseating and I didn't do it.

Then came the day we were going home. Nervously my husband spent most of the day pacing back and forth in the room and staring at the little tiny baby they were going to let us leave with. That is when it started. All of a sudden the tears came on. I couldn't stop, I don't know if it was my hormones or seeing my husband actually freaking out. The nurses were so nice and said it was normal and to just let it out. So I did. I cried and cried and cried. Then it was time to go. I cried some more. I was wheeled out to the car and carefully left at the curb. I can still feel the moment when the nurse went back inside and my husband and I were left there on the sidewalk with the baby. It felt as if there wasn't a soul around and the earth stood still. It was a beautiful day, a Sunday, and I really think there was no one in the parking lot. So my husband helped me in the car and I sat in the back seat next to my son. The drive home was not long but it felt like an eternity. I stared at the baby who slept peacefully the whole way home. I thought to myself I am getting upset for nothing.

I had watched many episodes on television where the new parents bring home their new baby and they are cool as a cucumber. All I did was wonder why I was not feeling that way, and then the tears started again. Every emotion imaginable went through my body. Will I be a good mother? Do I know what to do? What if I fall down the stairs while I am holding him? You name it I thought it. Then we carefully pulled into the driveway after what felt like a five hour drive. There were many family members waiting for us, well not us but the baby. We sat around for most of the evening and just watched him wake up, sleep and wakeup. Later on, everyone left and the panic set in. Anything that could happen I thought would. I refused to leave the room he was in for fear that he would stop breathing. Forget about sleeping. I spent most of the night jumping up and peeking in his bassinet (which was right beside me) to check him. Anyone who has had a cesarean birth knows that this is very painful and feels like you stitches are going to pop.

The next few days I would try to sleep when he did. All I did was jump out of bed in a cold sweat, thinking he was hurt or something was wrong. I was a mess. I couldn't even sleep when someone told me to take a nap. My husband was beside himself because at this point he had to go back to work and leave me sleep deprived head case with his new son. This continued for many days until I went to have my stitches taken out. My doctor asked how I was doing and that was all it took for the waterworks to turn on. I began sobbing and explaining everything that was happening. He explained to me that it was normal and I was doing everything right.

From then on each day got easier and easier. I am not saying that it is easy. I just mean it got easier as each day passed. My son and I got to know each other, and I found my groove. I started feeling more confident and that is when it happened. He smiled at me. Many people say that it is just gas at that age, but I truly think it was a sign from him that everything was ok. Almost as if he was saying "Thanks, Mommy!" Ever since then my mommy skills are evolving. The anxiety has decreased. I learn something new every day about my son and about being a parent. There is no telling what the future will bring me, but I look back on those days and think it was all part of the learning curve and a lot of crazy hormones.

A few tips for surviving the first few weeks.

1. Allow people to help. You may not want to or trust that they can take care of you little one as well as you can, but you need a break. A sick mommy is not what your baby needs.

2. Sleep when the baby sleeps. I sat and stared at the baby or tried to do chores around the house. Laundry can wait. Dishes can wait. By god anything can wait. You need rest!

3. Prepare yourself realistically. You will not get to shower. So what. You will not get a haircut. Big deal. Don't beat yourself up over not being at your very best. You have now started the most important job in the world. Cut yourself a break.

4. Allow yourself to cry. Let it out. When you are done you will feel better and be able to take better care of your baby. Expect an emotional train wreck and if you aren't one be grateful.

5. Do not expect to bounce back to a lingerie model's body. You may have stretch marks. Your hair will fall out and you will be extra critical of yourself. Remind yourself when you look in the mirror what you just accomplished - You gave birth!

6. Do not be afraid to tell your doctor or partner how you are REALLY feeling. They will understand. If they don't they will learn to understand. Your doctor has heard it before and unfortunately there are not enough of us who tell other new moms that yes, postpartum depression is normal. Tell someone. It is for the sake of you and your baby.