What No One Tells You About Sex After Pregnancy

Sex is definitely different after you have a baby. It takes some time to getting used to, but there are things you can do to cope. Some of the changes will be temporary, and others may be long-term. It will take a while for things to get back to normal. But don't fear: there is sex after pregnancy! It just takes a little creativity, like sex during pregnancy.

First off, your sex drive may change. In the first few weeks postpartum, you will probably be too exhausted to even think about sex. (This will come and go throughout your life as a parent.) Moreover, you'll probably be too sore to engage in intercourse even if you felt like it. As you near the six week mark, you'll probably start building up a tremendous sex drive and have an overwhelming urge to just get busy. Hey, it's hard going six weeks without getting any! You may be ready for sex sooner than this or much later, and you may want it more often or less frequently. Your hormones can take up to a year to return to normal, and they have an effect on your sex drive, too. Remember there are things you can do that don't involve penetration if you want to have a little fun. But, you may not feel like doing them either.

As you probably already know, there will be less time for sex after pregnancy. If you have children already, you know this is true. It can be hard to find time for sex between work, household chores, and caring for a baby night and day. Some babies seem to have built in "sex-dar" that goes off any time mommy and daddy are about to do the nasty. They go off like an alarm, and it's time for a feeding or diaper change! Nothing kills your libido faster than a crying baby. Even when the baby does sleep long enough for you to get down and dirty, you may find other things are more important: sleeping, eating...finally washing your laundry. If you can't have sex while the baby sleeps, remember that it IS okay to hire a babysitter for an occasional night out--or in!

That brings me to rule number three. Even when you have time for sex, you probably won't feel like having it. You will often be too tired and exhausted. Sleep will become your number one priority, after baby care, as a new parent. You may also find yourself too distracted or stressed out, still adjusting to parenthood. As hinted at already, your thirty minutes for sex may also be your only chance at a pee break, warm meal, or hot bath. If this is true, spend this time together anyway. You will want to be alone during your free time, sometimes of course. However, if you're only chance at sex is also your only chance to eat, have a romantic candlelit dinner of frozen pizza. You can even play a little footsie if you want. You should also remember that food, particularly whipped cream and strawberries, can be quite sensual!

One thing that many people don't realize is that your body will look different after pregnancy. Obviously there will probably be some pregnancy weight left to lose, but that's not all. You may also find that you have stretch marks, particularly on your breasts, thighs, butt, and tummy. These things may well be larger and looser, too. Some women develop a linea negra, a dark line that connects the belly button to the pelvic bone. This doesn't always fade. It will take time for you and your partner to get used to your body. Your self-esteem may be affected by these changes, and how desirable you feel can affect your desire for sex. Self-esteem is very attractive to both sexes, so this lack of confidence may affect your partner's libido as well.

If you're going to be breastfeeding, you'll have to deal with leaky bosoms. You may be lucky with strong breasts that hold in their milk. However, you may also have super sensitive breasts that start squirting the moment they are gently brushed with fingertips. Nipple sucking is out of the question, and for many, twiddling may cause a leak, too. Shower sex is a problem, too, as many women start gushing milk when their boobs are under a hot shower spray. The cure to this is to breastfeed or pump before you get down. Don't even try to have sex while you're engorged. You may also have to declare your boobs a no fly zone for a while or find other ways of breast touching that don't signal Niagara Falls to start flowing.

Many women have temporary or long-term incontinence, usually quite mild, after giving birth. Don't be surprised if you pee a little during sex and especially orgasm. It won't be enough to soak the sheets, and it is nothing to be embarrassed about. The less bothered you are, the less bothered your partner will be. As in pregnancy, it is best to go potty before you have sex--just in case.

You may also experience temporary or long-term dryness after pregnancy, especially before your period returns. If this is true for you, sex without lubrication can be quite painful. Invest in some lubricated condoms and/or some KY lubricant. I'm partial to their warming lotion, which is quite a sensation!

Some women who never experienced vaginal engorgement will do so during or after pregnancy. This is when blood flow to your vagina increases, causing you to swell. This can make sex better or more painful; everyone is different. There's nothing you can do to prevent it. Soothe yourself by having a warm bath or applying ice if it causes discomfort.

These things may last for weeks, months, years or even for the rest of your life. Don't worry, though: it's not the end of the world. You'll be back in the saddle with plenty of confidence before you know it. Just be creative, and most importantly, make time for each other even if you can't make time for physical love. Most things will go back to normal in time, and the rest just take some getting used to. Don't let the small things get you down; just deal with them as best you can. Your attitude is what's most important. If you feel like and expect to be a great lover and to have great sex, you will.