What Not to Do For New Dad's and Dad's to Be

A new baby is a joyous time in your life. Many times Dad's don't fully understand what it is like to be pregnant, or go through labor and delivery.

My husband is one of those men. I love him dearly, but he was not very understanding at times. Looking back, I am sure we can both reflect and see things differently. I, now see it as a humorous experience, and can laugh. He, however, looks back, and thinks, what in the world was I thinking. First, let me tell you, my husband is the king of "foot in mouth" syndrome. He says things, and actually means them, but they slip out so fast, that he doesn't have time to realize what he said before I was an emotional wreck.

The first time came, when I was about 9 weeks pregnant. I was in the bathroom, with the lovely morning sickness so many Mommies to be get. I hear him yelling from the kitchen, "What in the world is wrong with you? I hope you clean the bathroom when you are done." I of course, start crying. I storm in the kitchen, hand him some rags, and cleaning spray, and inform him that it is his sperm that got me pregnant, and he is expecting a baby too. He did clean the bathroom, only after he realized he probably would be sleeping on the couch for the next week if he didn't.

The rest of my pregnancy went pretty smooth, until I was 6 days past my due date. Nothing would get me to go into labor. So, he took the advice of one of his single (childless) friends, and decided to "anger" me into labor. Feeling like a bloated whale on beached on dry land, with no water for miles, I had spent most of the previous day cleaning the house. Not perfect by any means, but still pretty good for someone who had to make a bathroom run every 30 minutes, and then a sit down break every 10 minutes. He got up and told me, the house is a total wreck. I am sure the change from tired, pregnant with, to satan with a pitchfork changed his mind on that fairly fast. His face went white. I remember standing there, my face red, not saying a word. The only thing he succeeded in was making me angry. We'll just say the house got cleaned, spotlessly, and it was not me who did it.

Along comes the big day by means of induction. A wonderful 24 hour labor. Which he spent 12 hours of sleeping. It took two nurses to wake him up when it was time to start pushing. After three and a half hours of pushing our large baby boy is born. He decides at that point, if I could push him out and not give up (although I wanted to) after that long of time, he could cut the cord. This was a big deal to me, since I had been asking him to the whole pregnancy. Fast forward to 10PM that night. I finally get some sleep, and wake up. I need to go to the bathroom, but I am in a lot of pain. I start calling his name to help me. Nothing. I yell. Still, nothing. Finally, I am getting fed up, and throw my cell phone at him (not the wisest choice) and he sits up and tells me "You have no idea what pain is, and you have no idea how tired I am" At this point he really knows that he is in some major trouble. Not only am I mad, but truly hurt. I call his Mom. She gets on and yells at him. I am sure he now has no problem going to the bathroom, because she ripped him several new holes, if you get my meaning. Needless to say, the next day I got a huge bouquet of daisies. And for about one week, he did get up whenever I asked him for help.

So, Here are some Do's and Don'ts:

Don't:
-Yell at your wife when she is sick.
-Tell her she has no idea how tired you are.
-Never tell her the house is a wreck. Try duct taping a basketball tightly to your abdomen, fairly low, and make sure it presses your bladder, Try to clean, tie your shoes, get dressed. You will quickly learn how difficult it is to get things done.
-Don't tell her she has no idea what pain is. Even with an epidural, pushing a baby out is not fun. It hurts.

Do:
-Show her you care, by doing things for her, even if you hate them, such as washing the dishes, moving clothes from the washer to the dryer, cook dinner.
-Get up with the baby, change a diaper, feed the baby (unless she is breastfeeding), rock or calm the baby. New mommies need sleep just as much, if not more, than new daddies!
-Give her a foot massage, bring her breakfast in bed.
-Cut the cord. It may not seem like a lot, but it does mean a lot! It is an experience you won't forget.
-Show her how much you respect her carrying YOUR child. Tell her you love her, make her feel beautiful, and do not say any of the things my husband said to me.

Good Luck on your new addition, and Congratulations!!!!!!!!