What Not to Do when Dining Out

Have you seen the film Waiting? It's about servers and their daily existence waiting tables, how they cope with annoying customers, and what they say about - and do to -diners behind their backs. The movie isn't too far off from real restaurant life, and if you want to avoid having some "secret ingredients" in your soup the next time you chow down on the town, follow these simple rules.

1) Do Not Make Cute Jokes About Your Cute Server

The first time I was called "wheels" while a server at my restaurant, I had to turn around to make sure my patron was actually addressing me. Because I grew up as a nice girl, I didn't really think animals like these were so plenteous. Boy was I wrong.

Customers like to think they're funny when they call you "Legs" or "Hun," but they don't realize that waitresses (and waiters) hear this kind of crap ALL the time.

Realize this when at a restaurant: your server is working her ass off to make your food come out of the kitchen right, ready, and piping hot as soon as she possible can. And she's doing this for about 50 of you at a time, a few rounds a night. Can you imagine how annoying it would be if one of your clients or business associates called you "Sassy Pants" while you're on the clock? How about hearing this twenty times a day? Probably won't make you respect that person all that much, and causes you to seethe through that phony smile you muster while you think of ways to undermine them (like -oops - dropping your steak in the dish pile before neatly placing it back on your plate).

2) No Soliciting or Giving of Phone Numbers

As a server for several years, I can tell you that getting a stranger's phone number is an almost nightly occurrence. Seriously, why would I want to call someone I just spilled soda all over? Who in their right mind would date a dirty diner? It's kind of like hitting on your mechanic while he's under your car with hot oil seeping into his eyes.

We might look like we're having fun, but serving is hard work; don't try to sweet talk us when we're all business, because chances are we'll lose the number even if we like you. And if we don't like you, we'll probably tell the entire restaurant staff so they can laugh at you.

3) Do not whistle, snap, or say "Hey Girl"

Servers are people too. We are not dogs; whistling, clapping, or saying "Good Boy" are not motivating to waiters. In fact, it makes us want to kill you. But because we want to keep our jobs, we won't kill you outright - we'll probably just play a little soccer with your bread on the filthy expo floor, or taint your soda with some spiteful spit. Either way, you probably won't be too happy with the outcome - even if it takes a few hours. Treat your sever like a human, and they will treat you like one. And a hint: look at the nametag, or the restaurant receipt to see what to call your server.