What Not to Do when You Don't Approve of Your Child's Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Keep Your Opinion to Yourself

Heather Shockney
Heather Shockney, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Oct 19, 2006 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."
All parents dread the day when your son or daughter comes home with a new love interest. There will be many relationships that you know will not work out. And while you might be tempted to share your opinion with your child I would suggest you didn't. One point I can't stress enough is to never tell your child you disapprove of their boyfriend or girlfriend. This will only make them that much more attracted to them. If they ask your opinion you can say that the girl or boy isn't the person you would have chosen for them but it's their life and they have to figure that out for themselves. If you keep telling them how bad of a person their new fling is they could turn out to be your son or daughter -in-law. I know this from first hand experience, my mother hated my high school boyfriend, even forbid me from seeing him at times. All this did was make me want to see him even more. When my boyfriend and me would have disagreements I would not see that the relationship wasn't working. I would only see that I had to make it work to keep my mom from knowing she was right about him all along.

I did not want to admit she was right when she said it would not work out, even when I had my doubts on my wedding day I still couldn't let her win and be right. So three years later I found myself in the middle of a divorce. If I could of only swallowed my pride and admitted I was wrong things could have been a lot different. Boy teenagers can be so hardheaded and stubborn. This can also lead to trouble. Some girls might stay in a relationship that is abusive either mentally or physically just to avoid hearing I told you so from her parents. Arguing over boyfriends and girlfriends can cause a great strain on the relationship with your child and keep them from being open with you about other things.

So when my daughter comes home with a boy who I don't think is right for her, I will not tell her I disapprove. I will let her learn on her own. I will let her experience the broken hearts that will come from these bad relationships, and be there to pick up the pieces when she's ready. I will be there to listen and not to give lectures about being right. While you might be tempted to lock them in their rooms and forbid them from seeing each other this will not work. They have to be able to make their own choices and learn from their mistakes.

I never want my child to make the same mistake I did, and be with someone only to prove someone else wrong.

Published by Heather Shockney

Heather is the mom to a daughter with Autism, ADHD, ODD, Mood-D/O-NOS,obsessive compulsive tendencies, and sensory issues. We are a cyber-schooling family.She writes for a variety of online venues. If you ha...   View profile

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6 Comments

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  • Patsy 9/19/2009

    Your advice is right, but it is so hard. My son's girlfriend is on probation for felony charges. It is so hard not to say anything, I just pray he will realize this is not the person for him sooner rather than later.

  • KB 10/27/2006

    I didn't want to see my daughter repeat my mistake of a bad relationship and did everything the article said NOT to do. Wish I had seen this first. Hopefully, she will see it sooner than later.

  • K. A. Schaeffer 10/25/2006

    You're so right... if a parent openly doesn't approve, it could (sadly!) drive the offspring even closer to the boy or girlfriend. Good advice here.

  • Sandy 10/21/2006

    My current boyfriend's parents are the first I've encountered in ten years of dating who felt the way that you do. So, from a child's perspective (though I'm 25 now) that sort of attitude is GREATLY appreciated, and also refreshing. I have even had relationships ruined by parental involvement. Oh, and on an irrelevant note, your butterfly is beautiful. Have a fun day!

  • Barefoot 10/19/2006

    I always have a large construction project going on in the backyard. That leaves pleanty of big holes to hide the body in.

  • Laura Spencer 10/19/2006

    I haven't had to face this yet!!! Thanks for the advice.

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