What NOT to Say to Your Friend Suffering from Infertility

You are the woman that came home from your honeymoon surprised to see the two blues lines appear on you home pregnancy test. You are thrilled to share the news to everyone but what do you say to that dear friend you know has been trying for the baby she has always wanted only to suffer many failed cycles of treatments.

I'm Pregnant and we weren't even trying, it must have been meant to be!

Share your good news with her but you don't have to add salt to her wounds commenting how easy it just happened, to her this feels like she has done something to prevent pregnancy from occurring to her. Tell her your news in private without an audience so she has the privacy to grieve if she wants and you can get the attention other's want to give without being uncomfortable.

At least it's not your fault; it's your husband's problem

Infertility brings enough negative pressures to a marriage without antagonizing comments like this one. While going through treatments a couple must constantly remind them that this is OUR problem and do not need outside influences saying otherwise. Just be there for her when she has very invasive, emotional, impersonal, expensive and sometimes painful treatments.

You can always adopt

Yes, this is an option, often a wonderful fulfilling one and she knows it's there. The desire for her own biological child, the experience of pregnancy and childbirth are such a strong one that a comment like this one can turn any artificially pumped hormonal woman in a serious mad-woman!

Just stop trying (or adopt) and it will happen

Doesn't the adopted child deserve to be loved and cared for without the added pressures of being a good luck charm to bring on a pregnancy? No, she will never stop trying until her baby is in her arms.

Just relax and before you know it you will get pregnant

So you must have a crystal ball, right? Her first few months (or years) of trying she was relaxed but didn't get pregnant then. Just be supportive, listen and be a shoulder to cry.

There must have been something wrong with the baby (after pregnancy loss)

This is the last thing a woman suffering from infertility only to lose her baby wants to hear- no matter how far along she was.

Are you pregnant this month?

UGH! She will tell her good news on her own time, just be patient as she has to be also.

There are things you can do to comfort a friend suffering after another failed attempt at motherhood.

Bring her favorite ice cream, don't forget the toppings

Watch a funny chick flick together

Treat her to a manicure & pedicure spa day

Ask questions about her treatment

Don't treat her any different

Just listen