What Not to Say to Friends or Family with Ulcerative Colitis or Crohn's

If you have read any other articles related to Crohn's or ulcerative colitis, you may understand the sensitive nature of the illness. If you have not, I recommend you do a search here on Associated Content and find out more about both IBD's before reading this article.

It is important to understand Crohn's and ulcerative colitis in order not to make a friend or family member with the disease feel more uncomfortable than the life disrupting disease already makes them feel. If you understand Crohn's and ulcerative colitis you will be able to be more sensitive, and not say something that will crash on the autoimmune patient more heavily than an anvil strikes iron.

Having said that, there are a number of things it is inappropriate to say to a Crohn's or ulcerative colitis patient. As with any relationship, the depth of your friendship will affect the terms in which you communicate with a friend with Crohn's or ulcerative colitis. Be sensitive, and let them take the lead in opening up the discussion. Until then, avoid making crude or humiliating remarks.

Things to Avoid Saying to People with Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis: "Did you make it?"

If you don't know the person to whom you are talking this is a rude and embarrassing question. Sometimes ulcerative colitis and Crohn's patients don't make it to the restroom. It is through no fault of their own. In many cases Crohn's or colitis patients have little or no control over their sphincter muscle.

This may be something with which you have horsed around with friends, but it is no laughing matter to individuals with ulcerative colitis or Crohn's. Unknown to you, they may carry an extra suit of clothes with them just in case of such accidents.

The last thing they need is you calling attention to it, in private or public.

What to Avoid Saying to People with Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis: "You never want to do anything."

That statement couldn't be further from the truth and can be very hurtful. Crohn's and colitis patients want to get out, live, and enjoy life like everyone else. Many of them are able to. Others, however, may have a more serious or advanced case of the disease. Translating "I don't feel up to doing anything," into "I never want to do anything," is presumptuous and self-centered.

Based on experience with friends, I feel confident saying they want to get out and do anything, everything. It is a depressing, helpless feeling when a disease binds you to your home or bed. An insensitive comment like, "You never want to do anything," may well result in a friend who doesn't want to do anything with you because you are clueless.

What to Avoid Saying to People with Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis: "Aren't you any better?"

In the first place, if they were better, they would probably be up and around acting as if they felt better. In the second place, this type of comment often forces individuals with Crohn's or colitis to force themselves beyond their limitations.

Whether the patient is any better or not is really none of your business. "Aren't you any better," carries a negative connotation. In these words a Crohn's or colitis patient is likely to hear, "You never feel like doing anything," or "How long are you going to be sick." That, my friend, is not in their control.

I have known of this comment to make a Crohn's patient feel as if others thought she were faking the illness, dragging it out, or "milking it." Again, Crohn's and colitis patients would much rather be up and out of bed than dragging with fatigue, nausea, and diarrhea. When they feel well, you can believe most will get out of bed.

What to Avoid Saying to People with Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis: "Is that you?"

This question is usually asked when a loud rumbling noise is heard, like someone hasn't eaten in days. That may not be the case at all. The stomach and intestines of Crohn's and colitis patients is prone to upheaval, raucous noises, and noisy rumbling.

My friends with Crohn's and colitis have allowed this noisy condition to keep them home from meetings, work, Church, and other functions. It is another embarrassing side effect of IBD's.

Drawing attention to the noise, making fun of it, and remarks like, "When was the last time you ate?" may seem innocent, but to a Crohn's or colitis patient they cause further embarrassment. If you hear a stomach rumble, unless it is your own, why say anything?

As with all Crohn's and colitis issues, remain sensitive to the individual. Allow them to take the lead in discussions, comments, and jokes if that is how they choose to deal with their illness. The decision about what they will discuss should be their own, not yours.