What to Do when One Parent Says "Yes" and the Other Says "No"
A high pitched "But, daddy said I could have one. That's not fair!" rings through the house.
While most parents might initially think "What the...?" it's probably not going to help you maneuver through your child's frustration and disappointment. What are parents to do when one says "yes" and the other says "no"? The Parental Responsibility Guidelines (Anonymous, 24 B.C.) dictates parents must face the fact they are role models. So it makes the initial reaction to a partner's seemingly ridiculous cave-in to a child's request pretty important. Oh...if it was as easy as laughing out loud and saying "Oh NO!"
There are some key factors to consider in this situation, some easier than others.
1.) Utilize those behaviors you hope your child will emulate later.
2.) See your partner as an ally in the final decision-making process. This will help infuse a sense of mutual respect and courtesy into the conflict.
3.) Keep in mind children often refer to people's actions, rather than words, for their interpretation of any given situation. That is to say, children "turn off the sound" of a conversation and focus on movements, body language and the energy of the interaction to find the truth behind the words.
4.) Be realistic in determining which adult is most invested in the results of the decision and be open to his/her opinion on the subject.
If you're facing a hot topic, consider resolving it in private. The last thing children need is to find fuel for their fire and watch one parent attempt to (intentionally or otherwise) undermine the other's parental authority.
All of these strategies will help you present a unified front; co-parents who are able to calmly and respectfully disagree while working towards a resolution. Hopefully, you will be able to avoid a checkmate and find a resolution benefiting all involved.
Published by Lucy Parker Watkins
Lucy Parker Watkins is based in McKinney, TX. Over the last eight years, she's written for a variety of magazines and websites on topics including nutrition, vegetarianism, parenting, spirituality and altern... View profile
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2 Comments
Post a CommentI have four kids and two are from my ex husband and are kids are always going back and forth between us!!!!
"Keep in mind children often refer to people's actions, rather than words, for their interpretation of any given situation." This is a thoughtful statement. Really puts a bit of pressure on adults when you think about it. Informative article.