What Passes for Love

A five minute play about love, civility and forgiveness. A psychiatrist runs into her ex-husband at a high-school reunion.

CHARACTERS

SARAH: Sarah is an attractive 38 year-old psychiatrist. She has a few extra pounds, but isn't overweight. She has returned to her twentieth high-school reunion, hoping to see her ex-husband, Edward (Eddie). She is a sharp-witted, slightly condescending, but with a vulnerable side.

EDWARD: Edward is an attractive 38 year-old man. He has an athletic though not muscular build. He hasn't seen Sarah since their divorce five years ago. He is a plain speaking kind man. He cares about Sarah.

SCENE ONE (The curtain opens to SARAH and Edward dancing close, but casually to an 80's ballad. They are talking as the lights come up. The conversation becomes increasingly audible.)

The original song fades and Sara by Starship begins.

SARAH: Did you request this song?

EDWARD: Of course. It is‒

SARAH: It was our song. I donated it to new generation of naive high-school girls five years ago.

EDWARD: You look fantastic. Did I tell you you looked fantastic?

SARAH: You're lying, but I appreciate you not mentioning the extra pounds you caused me to gain.

EDWARD: Very subtle. Are you here alone?

SARAH: I was, until a gentleman named Robert or Robbie or something dragged me on the dance floor. I didn't remember him...handsome though...in a middle-management, baseball season ticket holder sort of way. Shame, he has a wife; he was a potential date.

EDWARD: So, you're dating?

SARAH: Potentially. Please, my track record, I should have known he was married...or gay...or both. Hey, is‒

EDWARD: No, I came alone. Surprised?

SARAH: A little, I didn't think you were coming at all.

EDWARD: You were scanning the room pretty hard for someone you didn't think was coming at all?

SARAH: So where is Mr. wonderful?

EDWARD: It's Gregory and he is home. He hates these things.

SARAH: Well, seems Greggie and I have something else in common. So, why did you come?

EDWARD: I like 80's music and...well...Why did you?

SARAH: I enjoy any excuse to dress up, venture out and join in on civil toast with people I didn't like much before I was old enough to drink, nor cared to keep in touch with much after.

EDWARD:and I wanted to see you.

SARAH: Don't tell me after five years, a divorce, and all that therapy you've decided to take up women again. Really Eddie, an old dog can only do so many tricks.

EDWARD: Is this what's going to pass for civility? Are we going to exchange sharply honed verbal digs masked as playful banter? I have to tell you, Sarah, I used all my best stuff five years ago during the divorce. If you want an all out battle of wit, I'm likely to disappoint.

SARAH: Disappoint, that would certainly be familiar. Well, I guess you did your best, all things considered. How much experience could you have had.

The song ends a loud 80's rap song begins.

EDWARD: I can't hear.(shouting over music)You want to find a place we can talk?

SARAH: Are these going to be billable hours?

EDWARD: At your inflated rate, no thank you.

SARAH: Well, in that case, get me a vodka tonic and I am yours, metaphorically speaking of course.

EDWARD: Of course. Find a quiet area.

SARAH:How will you find me?

EDWARD:I always find you.

EDWARD exits. SARAH walks over two empty chairs. The music lowers. She reapplies lipstick, and adjusting her hair. She smiles and nods at passersby. EDWARD returns with three drinks.

SARAH: Are we having company? (leans in) God, you didn't pick up anyone at the bar?

EDWARD: No, but get this. (sitting) According to the bartender, a woman has been ordering double vodka tonics all night. You'll have to settle for singles. Is everything alright?

SARAH: There are whole lot of unhappy women here, yet you have concluded that I'm the vodka woman?

EDWARD: Not until he mentioned that the woman called him "inexpert" (pause). Really Sarah, I am concerned.

SARAH: Don't do that, don't you dare show me concern. Save your concern for Greggie.

EDWARD: I guess I had that coming. Here. (Hands SARAH her drink) Cheers.

SARAH: Look at them, pretending, all of them pretending that twenty-years later they got everything they hoped for and dreamed of. Such liars. They aren't fooling me and I know they aren't fooling themselves.

EDWARD: I don't know. It seems to me, that many of them are here to take a look at the past and try and determine what might have gone wrong.

SARAH: So that's why you're here. (slightly raised voice) Stealing a last look back at a misspent heterosexual youth. (EDWARD Looks around.) You haven't told anyone? No one here knows you're gay? You are still gay?

EDWARD: No, no, and yes.

SARAH: Well, I just have to tell you I am not comfortable with this. I mean how will it look if people find out that a preeminent psychiatrist has an ex-husband with sexual identity issues.

EDWARD: From what I gathered, when you were mentioning you preeminence to everyone, you left out the part about being married. So, at least for now, your secret is safe.

SARAH: Well, you are the expert on secrets. (She finishes her drink) I have it on very good authority that the lobby bar is well stocked with vodka and the bartender is an expert (slurring a bit) mixology, mixologist? A good bartender.

EDWARD: Do I dare to ask how you came by this knowledge of bartender credentialing and hotel inventory.

SARAH: You were right, Eddie. Your wit has become dull and unimaginative. I think I am gonna be sick.

EDWARD: You're going to throw up?

SARAH: No, I am going to develop a bad yeast infection. Yes I'm going to throw up. Eddie, help me get to the ladies room. I can't be sick in front of all these people.

EDWARD :Come on. I never could say no to you.

SARAH: You could, when it counted most.

EDWARD helps SARAH up. She is unstable on her feet but trying desperately to leave the room like a lady. They exit.

SCENE TWO (It is the next morning in the lobby. As the lights come SARAH is asleep slumping in a lobby chair. EDWARD enters with two glasses of orange juice. Sarah sits up, holding her head.)

SARAH: Who is that, what's...What happened?

SARAH slowly looks around the room.

EDWARD: Good morning.

SARAH: What time is...it's morning? What am I doing in the lobby. Look at me...

EDWARD: I have been all night. You got sick and I was taking you to your room. Then you realized you didn't have a room here. So I escorted you back here where you insulted the hotel's expert mixologist, Marcelo and then passed out.

SARAH: I remember getting sick...we were...talking and then I remember...I remember, screaming?

EDWARD: That would have been Marcelo.

SARAH: I am so sorry. Oh God, did I say something desperate or needy or embarrassing?

EDWARD: Yes, yes and no. You said you were lonely. You said you missed me. You said you weren't sure we made the right decision. I mostly just agreed. Then Gregory called. You got sick again and passed out. I was in no condition to drive, so I let you sleep.

SARAH: It's all fuzzy, but I do remember some of it. I asked you why you came? I don't remember your answer?

EDWARD: I came to see you. To see how you were. To see if you had found someone. I came to apologize. I am so sorry. Who I am, who I turned out to be, is not a reflection of you. It is just the way things are. I should have been honest with you, but I couldn't even be honest with myself. It was all my fault.

SARAH: Thank you Eddie.

EDWARD: You never told me why you came.

SARAH: I came to hear you admit it was all your fault. (smiles) Eddie, I want to toast this break through. Is it too early, to get champagne? Get it Eddie.

EDWARD: Well, probably. We could toast with OJ. What are we toasting?

SARAH: What shall we toast to? To love, no. To reunions, no. To happily ever-after‒

EDWARD: How about, to civility. (raises glass)

SARAH: To civility. (raises glass)

EDWARD and SARAH: Cheers.

CURTAIN