What is Polyamory?

Not all folks are created equal in the matter of what they want from intimate relationships. We can see that this is apparent just from looking out our front door. Strait, gay, bi, and lesbian. There is more to it than that though. A little known option called polyamory. Polyamory is the choice to openly and honestly have more than one mate. This can look like so many things and can get rather confusing for anyone not involved.

For myself personally I never even thought of the option. It had never occurred to me until I heard the word and description. Just as many would say that being gay is not a choice is it my belief that being polyamorous is not a choice either. The desire and need to have more than one love is deep seeded and very important. Here are some terms and styles of polyamory.

Triad: Just as it sounds. It's a group of three adults who all share love. All three are involved with each other, no one is left out and most likely they live together.

Quad: Similar to a triad, but with four people instead of three.

Vee: Similar to a triad but instead of all people sharing in love with each other one person is with both of the others. Imagine the letter "V".

Tribe: A group of more than four people who all share love within the group. Generally a larger group and its unable to be described in any other way.

Primary: A person who lives with you, shares household duties, shares your bed and may even be legally married to you. Also generally denotes the person you've been with the longest.

Secondary: Someone who may or may not live with you, doesn't necessarily share money. The term can be deceiving however, this person doesn't come in second place. Its not a rank system, its just a matter of how serious your relationship to this person is. Never can love be quantified. Secondary may or may not share your primary lover.

Tertiary: A person of whom you have a casual relationship with. Someone you don't see all that often, maybe lives in a different state or city than you. Or someone who you've just started seeing.

There are as many different types of polyamorous structures as can be imagined. The main thing about being polyamorous to be honest. Above all be honest with yourself and your needs, and be respectful of the needs of others. There are many bumps in the road but it can be done and it can be beautiful.

Imagine your looking for someone, your single. You go out on a date and the person your out on a date with is so close to the right person for you. You really think the two of you will get along amazingly but there's this one thing (or heck, two or three) that you feel you need from a partner. This person your out on a date with doesn't meet those needs but otherwise is wonderful. Due to your monogamy that's the end of the relationship. If you were open to the idea of polyamory you could enjoy that person for what they do have to offer and love them for who they are instead of wishing they had those missing parts. Someone else could come along to fill those gaps for you. No one person is perfect. If you have more than one partner you have the potential of filling all of your needs.

This is not to say that polymory is for everyone. I don't believe that it is. Just as being gay isn't for everyone, being polymorous isn't for everyone. Just remember, cheating is still cheating and sexual relationships for the sake of sex is not what polyamory is about. Identifying as poly is something that only you can know if you are or not. It requires a lot of communication. More than you'd think! Everything needs to be discussed, and I do mean everything. That way you can always check in with your partner(s) and make sure everyone's needs are being met and no ones toes are being stepped on. Bottom line, it is a lot of work but if this lifestyle sings to your heart nothing can be better.