What to Do with Presents After a Wedding Annulment

Q: A friend of mine recently got married - and divorced. Apparently she knew before she got married that it wasn't going to last, but they went through with the ceremony anyway and then divided the gifts after the annulment. At first I was furious at her for doing this, but now I am just upset and wondering what I should do. I thought this was going to be a wonderful once-in-a-lifetime event so I splurged and got her a really expensive gift. I don't want to ask for it back but I feel betrayed and that I should ask for it back since the whole thing was a farce anyway. What should I do?

A: First, you want to sit down and talk with your friend. Most likely you have done this already or you'd probably still be very angry. If your friend knew she wasn't going to stay married before the wedding took place then she really only had the wedding to get presents and throw a big party. She could easily have called everyone on her RSVP list and told them, "The wedding isn't going to happen but we are still going to throw the party; so come and join us for a night of fun just because we want to have fun with our friends!" They still get the party and this difficult situation with the presents wouldn't be happening. I guarantee you are not the only guest who feels this way.

Tell your friend how you feel about this. Be sure to let her know that you understand, but there were better ways to handle it. You also want to tell her, gently, that you feel cheated because you bought a present for a wedding that technically never took place. If you friend really cares she will come up with some ideas to make it up to you. One really good idea is to simply return the item, if it is returnable, so you can exchange it back to the store. If it was something she may have already opened, or a gift card that isn't returnable, then she can reciprocate with an equal gift for a special occasion. If you exchange birthday and Christmas gifts with her then maybe she can add more funds to her gift to you than you did for her. All else fails she can give you cash for the price of the item.

If your friend is one of those people who will not cooperate in this way you have two choices: chalk it up to life experience and cut your losses, or bring a lawsuit against your friend for the amount of the gift and anything you spent on the wedding. In today's sue happy society these kinds of things do happen - and you will likely win your money back - but destroy a friendship in the process. Whatever happens you will want to steer clear of the wedding issues for a long time after clearing up this mess. If you can settle matters amicably then be sure you are there when she starts getting "nasty-grams" from other people hurt by her actions. She will need a friend and you understand both sides of the situation and can help her through this troubling time.