WHAT is the PROBLEM?

The first step to correctly rectifying a problem is to proper identification. Many individuals have poor coping mechanisms and few problem-solving skills. Their time and energy is spent worrying or working on the wrong problem, or blaming others for their shortcomings. When we blame others, we get no closer to "real" relationships or solutions. It does not identify our own frustration with and does not focus our attention on the problem. It is the proverbial dog chasing his own tail, because nothing gets resolved. If anything, the problems get compounded.

Only the fortunate, indeed, are afforded the luxury of being problem free. We are human, fallible, and all fall short of the glory of God. No matter how much intellect we have, there are segments of life that lack common sense. We try to use our intellect and emotions as a road map, but are often blinded by defense mechanisms that cloud our thought process. For many people intellectual and emotional maps are contradictory, with few, if any, crossing points.

There are other problems that completely cloud, and impair judgment. These are very evident in the stupor of the addicted individual who seeks to cure the problem with the very source that compounds the problem. In some cases the cure is worse that the disease. This is evident in individuals who avoid relationships because of past pain. And, much more true of the co-dependent that tries to control others to reduce his own feeling of inadequacy.

In some cases what we use to seek relief IS the problem. If, that sounds like insanity, you may be right. An example of these is individuals whose self-image will allow for insanity, but not to admit addiction. The compulsive behavior is the problem used to relieve the stress is actually contributing to the cause.

The worst problems are for those who actually are mentally ill. Twenty-five percent of the popluation has mental health problems. At times that root problem may be misdiagnosed, but most frequentlypeople a ashamed to seek help. We are living in the dark ages in the mental health in United States. The number one provider for mental health services has become the department of corrections. Irrational thought processes often destroy families, friendships, finances, legal problems, and create a spiritual void. But, once diagnosed, these individuals can be productive and stable members of society. Far too often labeling causes more problems instead of solutions The people who offer services have have not had to tackled that problem themselves. How do you teach someone to bake a cake if you have never done it? Instead of labeling we need more modeling.

Most problems fall into two categories at the opposite end of the personal responsibility continuum: Neurosis and Character Disorders. Neurotics feel they are responsible for things beyond their control. They take on others responsibilities. On the other hand character disordered individuals' blame others for their failure to be responsible. Few people are 'purely' neurotic or just character disordered. It pays to remember that a dog may have both fleas and ticks at the same time. Most individuals suffer combinations of behaviors that fluctuate over time. At times there are areas where the individual may take on unnecessary guilt, and others where the individual may fail to take responsibility.

Lets look at some of the common conflicts that are at the base of life problems. See if you can identify the life areas that need improvement.

LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Individuals with low self-esteem have difficulty facing their problems and often feel sorry for them-selves. Wallowing in self- pity, they often try to use others to solve their problems of lack of success, judgment, or motivation. This inadequacy leads to lack of confidence, feelings of mistrust, and rejection. They judge others superior, and have trouble looking others in the eyes. It is difficult to love others when we feel poorly about ourselves. It is even more difficult to have a relationship with a Higher Power if an individual feels unworthy, and unlovable. These individuals don't live up to their potential, but rather spend all their time fruitlessly seeking approval of others who will exonerate them of their responsibility. Others are enablers who provide solace as they paddle together in puddles of misery.

AUTHORITY PROBLEMS

There are individuals who spend their lives in collision with anyone they perceive as an authority figure: parents, bosses, spouses, or the law. They are even in collision with God. No one is going to control them, but they can't control themselves on an internal level. On an unconscious level they equate accepting authority as "selling out." For the protection of society, these individuals often end up living behind bars, or living a shortened existence. Society does not shorten these individuals life's, it is their lack of internal control that keeps them at risk.

SELF-CENTEREDNESS

Self-centered fear is the root of many problems. Many individuals do not want to face the consequences of their actions. These individuals fear the pain that follows consequences. Avoiding pain leads to life situations that are more painful that the original consequences.

Selfish individuals discount the feelings of others. They lie, cheat, and bully to get their own way. They have to be the centers of attention, often putting others down to build their distorted self- image. They fail to see the shallowness of their attempts to look more important. These individuals build themselves up by manipulating others, taking advantage of those who are weaker, or those who have problems. They are Spiritual Vampires who drain others, and then move onto the next victim. They think they are special in the eyes of God (like God, the original Lie), and view that others are less deserving of His blessings.

ADDICTION

These individuals often suffer from all three of the above problems. Avoiding reality by staying high is viewed as having fun. In gambling addiction the next wager is rationalized as a way to re-coup the loss or beat the odds with a bigger win. They fail to see the price of having fun is compounded problems that they have neglected. The food addict stuffs more chocolate down to avoid the pain and the relationship addict needs one more fling to feel to replace real intimacy. Avoiding the pain can cause their whole life to fester. Like and infection it just keeps spreading. Impaired consciousness is a Spiritual Void. In a void they cannot feel connected with God, self, their fellow man, community, or any activity that aids in a sense of connection to life. Under the influence it is difficult, if not impossible to have a relationship with yourself, with others, or with God. When the brain is put to sleep by chemicals, all perceptions are fantasy, hallucinations or, distortions.

COMPULSIVE BEHAVIORS

Compulsions are behaviors developed by individuals who cannot cope with Life's problems. These individuals develop rituals to protect themselves from real or imagined dangers. Many of these ideas develop when the individual is young and still believes in magic. Often the enemy is invisible: germs, emotions, or secrets. They focus on an activity that suppresses the feelings for which the individual lacks coping skills. By developing rituals there is no need to think or feel. These magic behaviors keep the problems from surfacing. Distorted thinking makes the individual believe that by performing his ritual he will be safe. The fact is that locking the door three times, or washing your hands five times does not confront the fear and the feelings still stirring deep in the individual mind. God is not more powerful when we light a votive each day, it is man that feels more powerful because of the time spent in attempted communication with God, and the spiritual values man assigns to his ritual.

By admitting the true nature of the problem, we find hope and direction for its solution.