What is the Real Difference Between a Wife, a "Wifey", and a "Baby-Mama"?
A Closer Look at Urban Relationships
Wife
She gets the papers, the legalities, the Title. This is the most legitimized relationship that a woman can aspire to be a part of. The ring, ceremony, vows, and all the accoutrement associated with this union are something that in many black communities has become something to be "coveted." Yes, black people do date (traditionally), fall in love and get married. But there is so much emphasis placed on the black women who are "searching desperately" for husbands, that the media would have you believe it never happens at all. Essence magazine does a fairly good job of showing its readers that true love amongst African Americans exists-in their monthly column called "Bridal Bliss" (amongst other marriage columns.) But for some reason, even these glossy images aren't sufficient to raise the statistics that are still purported in black communities as the gospel truth.
Wifey
You can probably blame the R&B group, Next for inducting the term "wifey" into the African American vernacular. The song, released in 2000, extolled the wonders of having the Woman of One's Dreams by his side. In proper R&B fashion, the song explores all the many traits of the ultimate girlfriend-turned-wife. Yes-wife. For the singer of this little ditty does in fact mention wedding bands, and offers a catchy marriage proposal at the end of the song. However, somewhere during the decade, the true implications of this song went askew. "Wifey" became a term that simply described the woman living at home-not necessarily a marital companion. And in some social circles, the term "wifey" is meant to describe everything but an actual wife. For all intents and purposes, the 2000 R&B song made the word "cute"-which is perhaps why it has been so easily adopted as a romantic colloquialism.
Baby-Mama
The phrase "baby-mama" is most commonly used to describe a woman who has given birth to a man's children out of wedlock. The term, which has been a staple of urban-speak longer than most can remember, typically had negative connotations. "Baby-mamas", as described by most men, weren't attached to any real feelings of love, admiration, or fondness. In fact, this word appears to detach any valid relationship from the act of bringing a child into the world. Nonetheless, the term has become so pervasive throughout urban communities that it is omnipresent amongst celebrities. They're even making movies with the title; the 2008 film "Baby Mama" starring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler attempted to put a modern comedic spin on the catchphrase. In popular culture, the expression (and its derivatives) has become fairly neutral. But some might say that this neutrality is a testament to the cavalier attitudes that young (and some older) adults have about raising families.
There are many theories surrounding the correlation between children born out of wedlock (in celebrity circles or otherwise)-and the ease with which the Baby-Mama term is tossed around. Poly-amorous relationships, infidelity, and even polygamy are all in effect, tightly related to this popular idiom. Whether or not two people choose to marry seems inconsequential when there are no children involved. As such, giving birth to a man's child appears to bind her to a man much longer than simply being awarded the title "wife" or "wifey." But in the grand scheme of things, it is this title that seems to be the most insulting-especially to black women. Do labels really make a difference where it regards certain phases of relationships? For some it does. Others have no problem eschewing society's expectations. The woman who has earned the title of "baby-mama", "wifey", or "wife" will ultimately determine which moniker best suits her personal goals in life.
SOURCES:
Published by Ayanna Guyhto - Featured Contributor in Arts & Entertainment
Transplanted New Yawwwker (Bronx, NY), now living in fabulous Atlanta - plunged into the music industry several years ago; Indie Flick Junkie, lover of all things paranormal--who has a penchant for mindless... View profile
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1 Comments
Post a CommentCool article. The term wifey is also largely explained in the Judy Blume novel of the same name (released in the summer of 1989). In the novel, 'wifey' is the moniker of cowed, subservient legal wives of rich white males who ignore them in favor of their careers. I thought it was so sad. I didn't know the word had another connotation! Thanks for the info!