What is a Real Man?

Reading a recent article on Associated Content about women's liberation and polite society, discussing things like men opening doors for women and not cursing in their presence because this treated women as though they were children, I remembered something I had written last year about what makes a Real Man.

So I asked several women in my life if my version of what makes a real man was somehow degrading them or insinuating that they are somehow less than a man.

You see, I was raised that it was respectful to treat women differently, not because they are less than men, but rather quite the opposite. Opening doors for women, standing at the dinner table when she stands, not cursing in her presence - these things are not done to belittle a woman, but rather to hold her up as something precious to be respected and revered.

However, I'd also like to point out that if I'm coming up to a door and reach it shortly before another man does, I will hold that door open for him too, and unless a man is family or friend, I'll hold my tongue on language out of respect as well. Therefore, I don't believe this is degrading women, as much as it is just being polite and having good manners. Manners after all were intended to make people feel comfortable in social situations by setting up a set of rules to follow that everyone knows, not to be used to hold over someone's head.

So keeping these things in mind, I decided to revise my opinion of what a real man is, and I am offering you my description today of a Real Man.

What is a Real man?

REAL MEN DON'T:

Real men don't hit women.

No matter how much you push a man, what you say or do to him, a real man will never lay a hand on a woman. He may walk away, he may take measures to stop her from hurting him, but a real man will never become violent with a woman - ever.

Real men don't call women names.

If a man can't solve a problem without resorting to calling a woman a name, no matter how minor it is, then he's not a real man. Stupid, ugly, fat, dumb, idiot - those count as names too, not just the R-rated ones.

Real men don't lie, period.

If a man can't speak the truth, say nothing. Lying always comes back to bite, always. Lying won't make you look better in a woman's eyes. It won't make her love or want you any more or less. If she can't take you for who you are, you are with the wrong woman.

Women, if your man lies and you catch him doing it, call him on it. Real men don't lie. If he keeps lying to you, dump him. There are real men out there who tell the truth.

Real men don't cheat, period.

If you have a woman, treat her right. She deserves to feel special, to be the only person in your heart, but even more, to be the only person on your mind, and definitely the only person who shares your body. Cheaters are, in my opinion, one of the lowest forms of life on this planet. Nothing betrays a woman more than cheating on her, and emotional affairs are just as bad if not worse than physical ones. Women, you deserve to be someone's one and only.

If he cheats, dump him and find a real man. Real men don't cheat. It's not your fault if he cheats either. If he wants out, then he should leave, he shouldn't ever cheat.

REAL MEN DO:

Real men see more than sex.

A woman is an amazing creature. She is beautiful in so many ways, regardless of what she may say. Sex is great, but sex isn't the ultimate goal - and if it is, take your credit card and visit a hooker, because if all you see is sex, you're missing the best part of a woman.

She has a heart, a mind, a soul, a body, and yes, she has a other parts too - but let me tell you something men, those other parts are so much better when you see and know all the rest of the woman too. Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about here.

Real men do sometimes cry.

I'm not telling you to bawl every time something minor happens, but real men do cry, when it's time to cry, and real men know when it's time to cry. And real women appreciate this. Don't know why boys, but it touches them, or something. All I know is, a man who can't cry, refuses to cry, who never is touched by emotion to that depth is not a real man.

Real men don't HAVE to fix things.

When my lovely lady and I first started dating the second time around, nearly 20 years after the first time, one of the things she said to me very clearly was that not everything that is going wrong in her life is my fault, and that I don't have to fix everything for her. In fact she finds a sense of pride in being able to fix some things herself, and that most of the time, all a woman really needs is someone to BE there while she is fixing it.

Real men know when to fix things.

OK, so maybe she doesn't want you to fix everything, but she has pride too, and sometimes she needs you to know when she does want you to step in and fix something. And she won't usually ask you to do this. So you have to learn when you need to back off and just be there and when she needs you to step in and fix it for her.

I'm not an authority on real men, and I'm sure not an authority on women. I don't think any man ever can be. But there are things I've learned over the years.

Defend your woman, always.

Even if you think she's wrong, defend her. Even if it means losing a good friend, defend her. Even if it means punching some idiot in the nose, defend her. Even if it means walking away from something you really want, defend her.

Defend her always. She's worth that. But let her defend herself too.

But more than any of that, love her.

Truly, deeply love her. It's not enough to be 'satisfied'. It's not enough to just be around or keep her around for sex or companionship. You need to love her, truly and deeply, or you need to let her go so she can find someone who does. Every woman deserves to be truly and deeply loved. And real men deserve to have a woman they can truly and deeply love.

If you can make a woman laugh, make her cry the 'good tears' (as women call them), touch her heart, her soul and then and only then touch her body, respect her as though she is the radiant and magnificent creature she truly is, make her senses come alive, make her believe she is as beautiful as you believe her to be - well, damn, there's nothing better than that.

And you know, when you do all these things, when you truly are a real man, the sex will be fantastic, unlike anything you'll ever get from cheap one-night stands with women you barely know, I don't care how good you think they look.

After declaring myself a confirmed bachelor, the last couple of years, my eyes have been opened to a new world. I've learned that there's nothing quite as amazing as being in love, and making love to a woman who trusts you and believes she is beautiful. She comes alive in ways words can not even describe.

Now let me leave you with this, men - real men. Real men open doors and let women go first, real men stay standing until the woman is seated, real men stand when a lady rises from a table, real men do not curse in front of women in casual conversation, real men open car doors, real men pump gas, real men fix broken things. Real men don't do these things because a woman can't do them, but rather because he adores and worships her as the goddess she should be in his life.

Let me add this to the list: real men kill bugs, real men are kind to kids and pets, real men are tender and tough, strong and silent, loud and fun. Real men are men, and different from women, but understanding of those differences. Real men work for a living, and take care of their business. Real men pay on a date and don't use women for money. Real men are willing to wait for sex until the woman is ready, no matter how many times she says no, or how far she goes before she says no.

Real men know how to treat a lady like a Lady.

Call me old fashioned, tell me that I'm sappy, laugh at me if you will, but you see, I've got something most men will never have.

I have a real woman.