What Are My Rights as a Wife?

I was searching on what are my rights as a wife and came upon your site. I live in California and I found out that in my husband's $400,000 life insurance I am not the beneficiary. We have two teenage boys and I suspect he put his sister in charge of the money. This is no surprise, as his family has been a third party to this marriage all along.

I am from a different state and I talked with attorneys years ago when I wanted to leave him and was told that I would either have to get his permission to take/move the boys out of state, or spend thousands of dollars and go to court and get permission.

My husband is the bread winner and controls all the money. I have absolutely no say and have to ask for anything I want. I am given an allowance for my personal needs and to purchase things for the house, if needed. I get the money on Thursday and it is gone by Friday.

I was told my a family friend that my husbands sister wants to eat me for lunch and that if anything happens to my husband I will be left with nothing and that his retirement doesn't exist, laughed, and told me to go find it. I'm really scared.

Can my husband make someone else beneficiary to his life insurance, retirement, bank accounts? I mean, if they can be found. Is there any recourse I can take against his family for trying to keep me from getting community property? ~ C.C.

Dear CC, since you read my blog, you do realize I am not an attorney, so I will not give you "legal advice." There are, however, several things you did not say in your email.

1. Why are you worried about your rights now? Is your husband terminally ill?

2. Why are you asking these questions? Have you decided to divorce your husband? If so, on what grounds? California is a no-fault state for divorces, so even if he has been unfaithful, it doesn't matter legally.

3. Are you part of any groups of women, like clubs, church, support groups?

4. Is there another man involved in your life? I just don't "get" why now you are worrying about your rights as a wife. You have been married for some time if you and your husband have teenage sons.

I suggest you make an appointment with a divorce attorney. (I haven't forgotten you have no money.) Make sure the lawyer does not charge for a "consultation," and have your list of questions written down. There's nothing to keep you from making "first appointments" with more than one attorney. The Bible says, "In the midst of many counselors, there is wisdom." Get several free appointments and have your questions written down.

I would also suggest you try visiting churches that teach what the Bible says. And ask if they have counselors on staff. You will profit from biblical and psychological advice, CC.

And lastly, it doesn't matter what state you are from. You live in California with your husband, right? So any legal work would have to be done in California. And as for the family, that's a question you should ask an attorney.

Oh, and as for what the "family friend" said... that's just hearsay, CC. Why are you believing gossip?

Blessings!
(c) 2009 April Lorier

Help, humor, hope and healing for the brokenhearted and hurting. God's Battered Child: Journey From Abuse to Leader author April Lorier assists victims of abuse in finding their way back to God's love and acceptance. Her perspective is sometimes humorous, sometimes thought-provoking, but always a helpful faith-based resource for seekers of emotional and spiritual growth.