What Rights Do Teenagers Really Have?

Few of us have managed to escape having at least one teen in the family who faces us, hands on hips, and speaks the dreaded words, "I have a right to ____________." (Fill in the blank with whatever your particular teen is currently claiming a right to do.)

Coming from a generation when teens were raised to believe that they had the right to eat at the family table, as long as we did as we were told without question, and to have a roof over our heads, even if we did have to share not only a bedroom, but usually a bed with one or more siblings, I am stunned at the rights demanded by some of the vocal teens of today.

I'm not here to convince you that we need to turn into cold, non-feeling taskmasters in order to raise our children, but I would like to point out that the present situation is producing a large number of young people who feel they are being deprived of their constitutionally guaranteed rights whenever they are denied the simplest want or desire, and who feel no obligation whatever to parents or guardians who care about them and who are doing their best to raise them to be well-adjusted adults.

Some kids are under the delusion that their parents should drop everything and run them to wherever they wish to go. My parents would have said, "Why do you think God gave you two feet?"

Others seem to believe that there is an unlimited stream of money available to purchase anything and everything a teenager's heart could desire. I don't know where this idea got started, but most parents are living on a budget. The amount of money they receive from their jobs each month is probably barely enough to cover necessities for the family, and maybe an occasional treat. Why should they have to feel guilty when they are forced to refuse the latest request for new Niki's or some other similarly over-priced gadget or item of clothing?

Contrary to popular belief, turning 16 does not turn one into an adult. Since this is true, I find it a little naïve when teenagers demand adult privileges just because there were 16 candles on their last birthday cake.

I know that there well-behaved, caring, sensitive kids out there who take their responsibilities seriously, but I'm talking about those who do not in this particular article.

Here are the rights I believe all children have the right to expect.

1. All children have the right to be respected and to feel valued.

A child who does not feel valued by his family is likely to grow up not valuing other people. I cringe when I hear people put children down, often for no real reason. Saying something like, "All right, Stupid, Bring your math homework over here and I'll see if I can pound some sense into your thick head." Is hardly likely to cause a child to feel that he is a worthy human being, let alone help him understand and enjoy math more in the future.

Show your children you value them just because they are your children. Respect what they have to say by listening when they speak to you; and even if you don't always agree with them, you don't have to say so the minute an idea comes out of their mouth.

2. All children have the right to adequate food.

Having plenty of food is not the same as having adequate food. Making sure your child gets the right amount of healthy food and not too much of food that is detrimental to his or her health is something parents should take very seriously. A child's entire life can be affected by how he was fed in his early years at home.

3. All children have the right to be protected from physical harm.

It almost goes without saying that every child deserves a roof over his head; not necessarily a fancy home, but an adequate one. The family home and surroundings need be as safe as possible. Known hazards such as lead paint, improper storage of dangerous material, faulty wiring, leaks in the structure, etc. should be taken care of immediately.

Of course, parents can't follow their children around forever to make sure than no harm ever comes to them, but they do owe their children a safe home atmosphere, and should see that each child is properly supervised when away from the home.

Parents should teach their children safety rules. Even small children can learn how to cross the street safely, how to stay out of the way of dangerous vehicles and activities, how to behave around strangers, and how to report anything unusual to their parents.

All children should have access to medical and dental care.

No child should be forced to live in an abusive home. If one parent is physically abusive, the other parent has a duty to remove the children from that environment.

In return, I also believe that:

1. Parents have the right to feel valued and respected.

Sound familiar? It should, because it is exactly the same first right I listed that teenagers should have. Parents have feelings, too, and teenagers need to know that. When teens stop communicating with parents and act as though the parent's opinions are worthless, the parent begins to feel rejected and wonder whether being a parent is worth the time and trouble. When a teen goes out into the community and does things that bring shame to the family name, that teen is disrespecting his or her parents.

If you are a teen, take a few minutes each day to give your parents a hug, or to ask their opinion on something. And give that opinion some consideration, even if you don't end up abiding by it. Make sure that your actions are not reflecting badly on your family name. You may not believe it, but your parents will be around longer than most of your friends, so it is essential to maintain a good relationship with them now if you want to have a good one later on.

2. Parents have the right to expect their teens to be an example for younger siblings.

Younger brothers and sisters tend to mimic everything their older siblings do. If an older teen starts hanging with a bad crowd, smoking, drinking, or being disrespectful to their parents, that is exactly what the young brother or sister will decide to do. You may not have asked to be a role model, but, if you have younger siblings you are stuck with it, so do your best to be a good one.

3. Parents have the right not to have to nag children to do chores or homework.

I didn't like to do chores when I was a kid. I didn't especially enjoy homework, either. But guess what? There are many days when parents don't enjoy doing their chores, either---like going to work to earn money so that the family will have a roof over their head and food to eat, not to mention clothing to wear and medical and dental care. But they do it, and most of the time they do it without griping, stalling, arguing, and complaining about it. Do you know why? It's because they love and care for the members of their family. It's also because they are adults, and adults know there are certain things that need to be done, and so they do it.

If you are one of those griping, stalling, arguing, complaining kids, who is always telling their folks that they are practically an adult now, prove it. Stop all that garbage and do what you know you are supposed to do.

Finally, I would like to end this article by listing a few things I don't think parents or kids have a right to.

1. No one has the right to make a habit of disrespecting other people.

If others do something despicable, go ahead and disrespect the action, but try not to let it carry over onto the people themselves. You will find that most people do something bad occasionally, but very few can be classified as totally bad all the time.

2. No one should claim rights that do not really exist.

Expecting too much of our children is not a parental right. Many parents have unreasonable expectations for their children. For example, they may push their kids to excel in sports, music, or academic subjects far beyond their abilities to achieve.

Other parents force their children to do physical labor their child is not capable of and who deny their children playtime, or friends. This is not only not a parental right-it is child abuse.

Teens often expect their parents to provide transportation for pleasure, money, and material possessions they do not need and which the teen could provide for himself by working at a small job somewhere. These teens need to learn the difference between needs and wants.

Some teens think that the right of free speech granted by the Constitution of the United States gives them the right to speak to their parents using disrespectful and profane words. This is not a right given to a minor child.

3. No one has the right to deny someone else their "just" rights.

Notice that I said "just" rights. That means real rights, not imagined ones. None of us should ever be guilty of denying just rights to other persons.

I hope I haven't over-simplified the problem of what is really a right and what isn't. If you have comments of your own on the subject, I'd love to hear them, because raising kids these days is not just the responsibility of parents, but also of grandparents and of society as a whole.