What to Say or Do at a Funeral

When you attend a funeral you may hear the term "pay respect" to the departed and/or their family. So that is usually a good indicator of why people are at the funeral; to show respect and by participating in a traditional ceremony with family and/or friends you are also showing love, solidarity and community. That is why funerals are usually very formal and this includes the proper attire worn and behavior also. It is true that traditionally funerals are usually held to say your last good bye to the deceased; and of course the mood is usually very solemn, and there will be some speaking, grieving and crying as people share their feelings.

In recent years some people have turned away from tradition and requested to have "celebration of life" parties or "uplifting events" instead of the very formal funerals that have been the usual tradition for years. If that is the case; you will usually be instructed on what type of "party" or "celebration" theme that the deceased has requested beforehand and just follow the instructions given. Usually these people have been to funerals in their life that are very sad and depressing and did not want their loved ones to experience such a formal and negative emotional ceremony if they themselves had something happen to end their life.

Each religion will have a specific set of rules and traditions of how they hold the hold ceremony for person who has passed. It would help immensely if you can find out the religion of the person and then do some research about how the procession and process will be held. You usually will receive an announcement from a family member or friend letting you know when and where the services are being held. Although now with less tradition if you only know from an email or a conversation; find out as much information as you can from someone who is in charge of the services. Then do internet searches, ask friends, go to talk to a pastor or rabbi directly if you need to. As I said before even though we have tended to dress more casually in every day life, in a setting such as a funeral it is usually very formal dress, so you really do want to check on this before you attend.

People of all ages can be at a funeral, so if you do need to bring children make sure that the children are mature enough to understand where they are and what behavior is expected of them. It is nice to have children participate in these ceremonies because it does help us as a reminder of the balance in life; just as long as the children are not ill prepared or that they don't wind up very confused and traumatized in the case that they have come to this life event too soon to comprehend it. Also, if it is your first funeral and you are not sure what to say offer your condolences, with something like "I am so sorry for your loss" and that will be enough; funerals are not social meetings or network clubs so the less you say until you feel more comfortable the better. You are there usually because you knew someone who passed away or their family or it could even be a coworker; the main thing is to show that you are there because you cared enough to show these people respect.