What to Send when Someone Dies

When someone you know dies, are you at a loss for what to do? It used to be standard procedure to call the florist and send flowers. Quite frequently, suggestions will be made to donate to a specific charity. Over the years, people have become more practical and more creative in their giving when someone they know dies.

Another common practice is to take food to family members. I have a word of caution about taking food to the house. When my grandfather died, we had more meat trays and donuts than we could ever eat. A lot of it went to waste. I'd suggest calling the family, offering your condolences, and asking specifically if they could use a meat tray, or whatever you'd like to take. If you don't want to call ahead, try to think of something more practical. Suggestions for practical things to take when someone dies are: a case of soft drinks or bottled water, paper plates, paper napkins, plastic cutlery, garbage bags, paper towels, tissues, and even toilet paper. I know that sounds weird, but there will probably be a lot of out-of-town guests going to the funeral and the family wouldn't want to run out of toilet paper. Another very practical item would be dog or cat food if they have a pet. The key here is to take food or food items that are not perishable.

If you are short on money, or prefer to offer a service, there are several things you can do for the family when someone you know dies. The family would probably appreciate having a house sitter during the viewing times and the funeral. They also might need a baby sitter or pet sitter during those times. You could also offer go to the house and shine shoes or iron clothing. Besides the family looking good, they will want their cars looking good too. An offer to clean their cars inside and out would most likely be appreciated. If there are out-of-town guests arriving, you could offer to pick them up at the airport.

When sending a sympathy card when someone dies, people frequently tuck a little cash or a check in with the card. This is a great help to the family because of all those unexpected additional expenses that come up. Sometimes I tuck a book (or roll) of postage stamps in the sympathy card when someone dies. That will come in handy when they send thank you cards out for all the flowers, food, etc.

I like to do something a bit more personal when someone I know dies. I go to the local nursery or greenhouse and find a nice perennial to give to the family. I try to think of something that the deceased friend liked, and choose a plant accordingly. When I give the plant to the family, I tell them that I bought it in memory of their loved one. They can plant it in their yard and remember their loved one every time they walk by it, or when it blooms. When choosing a plant for the family, be sure they have room to plant it. Also, be sure to choose a plant that is hardy to their hardiness zone so it will last for years. Some plants I have purchased in the past in remembrance of someone who died are: lilies, iris, and barberry shrub.

What shouldn't you do when someone you know dies? Do not say to the family "Let me know if you need anything". Instead, think of something and offer to do it. In most cases, the family will not ask for favors, but they do appreciate having things done for them.

What will you do when someone you know dies? Think about the family and your relationship to them, and make a decision that is right for you and the situation. Above all, express your condolences.