What Shall I Write About My Biggest Secret?

I have been sitting here thinking about what secret I should share with you. Let me clue you in. I have my share of skeletons to hide in my closet. I am in the prime of my life and have seen the sunset many, many times. It is a tough thing to decide. Would you want everything that you have diligently tried to hide for years, be out there for all to see? I guess it wouldn't be much of a secret then, would it?

There was the time when I was about fourteen and I hid a pack of Kool cigarettes in my shirt pocket. Smoking in those days was a really cool thing to do. I was cool too. That didn't remain much of a secret for long. My Mom found them and she screamed at me so loud that I know the whole world heard about it. I still don't smoke to this day.

I moved from Ohio to California in the early 70's. My best friend and I drove across country in what would now be a vintage 1965 green Mustang convertible. We were 'wanna-be' hippies. We used to smoke pot in the evenings in my friends living room, with candles lit and our long dresses flowing. We got sleepy and giggled way to much, but we acted so silly that I am sure that our actions hid no deep, dark secret. Granted my parents were a little naive, but they couldn't possibly have been as deaf and blind as we seemed to think they were. We were lucky. We didn't become addicts or get caught by the police. I don't have that Mustang anymore. I sold it for $100 to finance my trip back to Ohio when I had a bout of homesickness. It paid for a bus ticket back home. That bus trip by the way, hid another little secret that I choose not to share at this time. I have lived in California for 34 years now.

I married an illegal alien back in the early 70's too. I hadn't a clue what an illegal alien was back then, but he was cute and different and we liked each other. We learned to communicate with a dictionary held between us at all times, well most of the time. We were married for eighteen years. He became legal and we had four children together. He drank a lot but that sure wasn't a secret to anyone and definitely not to me. We have been divorced for 17 years.

I did meet my current husband online. Yes Love Online is possible. I actually found him on the world-wide net. One day when I had nothing to do, I decided that all I seemed to be meeting online were a bunch of nabby-grabby loosers, so I thought I'd look around a bit, to see what I could find. I saw this guy's picture and he looked kind of sweet. I did like his favorite quote, so I e-mailed him and let him know that I thought his profile was a good one. We were married a year and a half after we first met in person. That was almost seven years ago. That could be considered a secret by some, but all of my friends and family know about it so I guess that disqualifies it.

Reading everything in sight, even cereal box labels is one of my habits and I love pies and cookies. These quirks are definitly fattening but no big secret. I do keep up on ingredients found in products though. I sleep in on some mornings and I have an occassional days when I would rather stay in bed, rather than deal with the world. My husband knows this and doesn't like it much, but it is no secret. I guess you could consider me lazy though.

Junk food is a wonderful thing and it should have no calories. Chocolate should make us all live longer. If anyone can make that happen, it would be a great secret for them, at least until they found out how rich it might make them.

I had a Liberty-head nickel that I had saved for years. I found that nickel when I was a cashier in a grocery store back in Ohio. I knew that it was a special coin and that someday it would make millions for me. We all know what happened to that secret. I had hidden it where I thought it was safe. My kids needed some change for gum at the corner store and my hiding place was hidden no longer. That killed my 'being rich secret'.

I yearn some days to be free of the daily grind of being a Mom and a wife. I sit and fantisize about how different things would be if I were younger, richer, smarter, prettier or far away. I guess maybe that is a secret in a way. I do love my family and I love the things I do, most of the time. I don't think that secret will win me any contests though, if I really left everything, I would have a bigger secret to deal with.

I guess when it comes down to it my very biggest, deepest, darkest secret is one that I have hidden inside me for so long. I have protected it , kept it from everyone including myself. I am now sharing it with you, myself and hopefully the world. My secret is that I have always wanted to be a writer. What do you think about that?