What Some Men Really Want when They Propose

When single women think about getting married, they tend to envision the new furniture they'll get, where they'll buy their wedding dress and lovey dovey wedded bliss.

All that loving turns her brain into a puddle of goo and she fails to realize that inside the brain of the man proposing to her is an entirely different to-do list hiding in the darkest depths. He has needs, passed down to him from his upbringing, that have to be filled if he is to survive husband-hood and he doesn't even know it.

Your hubba-bubba might appear clean and pulled together when he picks you up for a date but that doesn't mean he's clean and pulled together. You didn't honestly think he did that by himself did you? Of course not, either his mother, sister or other important female in his life gave him a hand.

What this means for you is that it is now your turn to pick up the torch. You alone will be responsible for telling him that white tube socks shouldn't be pulled up to the kneecaps when worn in conjunction with green and yellow plaid golf shorts.

It also means that the moment you move in to that house with the white picket fence that you'll need to locate his clothing from under the bed, ensure he has clean clothes else he pulls something rank and wrinkly from the dirty hamper and make sure he doesn't to wear yesterday's underwear.

I bet he cooked for you once. It was a wonderful dinner, both filling and tasty. I also bet you didn't realize that 99% of the time, in the future, it will be him to turn to you and say, "I'm hungry. What's for dinner?" It won't matter that his legs aren't broken. It might matter if his legs get that way. It depends on what you use to break them.

Someday your lover boy will tell you that he wants to throw a super bowl party. You'll think, "aww, how cute!" so you'll get all excited and start making plans right away. First on your list will be proper super bowl tableware. Glass or Paper? Oh those cute football shaped chip bowls are adorable!

You'll spend days leafing through magazines looking for good half-time recipes and you'll even sign up at a recipe swap web site. You'll start preparing cold dishes a day in advance.

Next thing you know, you'll have arranged decorations, hired a bartender and reserved the hookers. See how easy that was? All he has to do is say party and you hop to it. I believe men come by this particular ability naturally. Most likely his mother threw all the parties when he was growing up.

For some reason there's this whole group of men that can't find anything. This group is so large that if you got them all together they'd be their own continent. And it doesn't matter if what they can't find was once in their hand or something else their looking for.

Finding things will be your job. And it only gets worse once you spawn the fruit of his loins. Then you'll have to find things for multiple people and a large portion of those people will be just like him; only smaller in stature, with high squeaky voices and endless supply of leaky orifices.

How nice and sweet you are throughout your dating phase is how sweet and nice your future husband will expect you to be. As women, it isn't fair to deliver such a shocking blow into men's lives by getting comfortable enough to be our real selves.

We know we aren't that nice and sweet all the time but they don't get that. And it's partly our fault. We hide the really bad stuff until we get that rock. We should do it sooner so they'll know what they're getting; gives them time to adjust.

So you see, as long as you are fulfilling the needs that lurk in his subconscious mind, he'll think its wedded bliss. You'll wonder when you became his mother and during your first pregnancy he'll call you mama. Oh Joy.

After you've been married for 20 years or so, you'll think back to this article and realize what I've said is true. Let me know when you start kicking yourself in the behind.

Disclaimer: This article was written in humor and was not intended to raise the hackles of any mamma's boys, pampered princes or controlling wackjobs. Look for an equally humorous article about what some women really want when they dream about getting married.